If the newspapers are to be believed, then, I must also believe that a woman (it was reported) had stabbed her husband in the chest because he had come home late from watching the Manchester United-Malaysia game recently.
She did what!
First off, I don’t think anybody deserves this fate – not even a Manchester United fan. But that’s another story.
Secondly, couldn’t she just have said “I’ve had it with you; no sex for you for a month!” or something to that effect, instead?
But to cause the poor sod grievous bodily harm with a sharp instrument? Really!
Then again – and this is purely conjecture on my part – perhaps she had actually tried the Denial-of-Service (read: no sex) ploy before. But in response, her husband had probably celebrated by burning incense in front of his Manchester United poster and doing triple somersaults to show his gratitude.
Maybe she’s never heard of hand-cuffs and whipped cream. Again, maybe this is another story altogether.
Is it just me? Or are there more psychotic women running around loose these days?
This brings me to my next point. When I was younger (and streetlights were few and far between) my elders used to forbid me from coming home late at night. The reasoning was simple: all sorts of dangers lurked outside the home late at night. You could easily get whacked and nobody would be the wiser for it.
But now, even though the streets are lit bright as day, it seems that nothing has changed. Coming back home late at night is still a dangerous proposition. The only difference is that, nowadays, the source of danger lives inside your house!
A writer wannabe who thinks he was once a WWII RAF fighter pilot
20 responses so far ↓
galing68 // July 22, 2009 at 1:10 pm |
Mr MB,
Yes, we do live in interesting & dangerous time. It was rather unfortunate for the husband to get stabbed. Or is it plain lucky, the wife didnt do a ‘Lorena Bobbit’…..
Of late there are lots of bizarre news especially that are related to death…..how sad.
the-plagiarist // July 22, 2009 at 1:29 pm |
also read that the husband promised to come home by 7pm but reached home after 2am instead.
i would let him sleep outside with the insects, if i were her.
QOTH // July 22, 2009 at 1:40 pm |
The poor man … but maybe he went to the game with another woman?
Tommy Yew // July 22, 2009 at 3:26 pm |
Hahaha Matt oh Matt,
No ardent football fan deserves this. Women, they just don’t understand at all! Sad.
Guess u must have gone thru some hardship with the ‘Denial-of-Service’ punishment in your time; wah u actually did the triple somersaults to show your gratitude, man, u r one brave dude.
Well if all else fail; u can always depend on your ever reliable ‘Self Service’ plan to ease the stress.
Now about the hand-cuffs & whipped cream, hmmm, please enlighten ignorant me please.
Cheers,
Tommy
serene // July 22, 2009 at 3:45 pm |
salam sir,
hehehe..nowadays u have to be extra careful.. danger lurks in evry nook and cranny.
anyway, just to let you know, that i am glad that u r back..so..bila nak pi makan nassi lemak kat rose fatimah?
serene
nadialoretta // July 22, 2009 at 6:32 pm |
dont play fool with women i guess? they can be your angel one moment and your worst night mare the next moment… so be afraid.. be very afraid… hiikkk
LeZebre // July 22, 2009 at 6:35 pm |
Poor lady, it WAS 2 a.m. I would suspect it was her who was being denied service…
de minimis // July 22, 2009 at 6:37 pm |
I share galing68’s relief that the chap was “merely” stabbed and not “Bobitted”. The word for the unkind act of slicing off the male appendage is credited to Simon Winchester. The word is AUTOPEOTOMY. But, the appropriate expression I would have thought should be “%$#@*&^%” and a loud scream of horror.
For me (who did actually attend the Man Utd 3:2 Malaysia match) the utterance of “I’ve had it with you; no sex for you for a month!” would have been quite enough to forgo all other football matches by whomever against whoever else. ;D
de minimis // July 22, 2009 at 7:25 pm |
My sincere apologies. There is an errata that I need to make. When the dismemberment is committed by a third party (such as an enraged wife, a surgeon or other person) the word is PEOTOMY. Thus, AUTOPEOTOMY means self-inflicted dismemberment (obviously brought about by insanity obviously).
Dry Humour // July 22, 2009 at 9:45 pm |
Mat
Hell hath no fury like a woman denied of service? And she wouldn’t want self service!
Can’t imagine a woman wanting to stab a husband for coming back late. Unless she has been horny for so long and nothing to compensate.
Nothing, not even anything that vibrates.
And the man enjoying himself at the stadium menjerit jerit.
Thank goodness I don’t like crowds and hardly watch matches live. If she comes to me with a knife I wouldn’t know how to jive.
Cheers, mate
dak ah bau // July 22, 2009 at 10:48 pm |
Waduh bro,
My take: we can always call whether to give in/give up – either trade off/trade in.
To do or not don’t depend on the sums..
Kama // July 23, 2009 at 12:29 am |
Hehehehe .. you folks really had me in stitches! All these witty repartees..! Heck, you better keep your arse anchored in here Mat B.. I’m putting up barricades not to let you leave anymore!
mekyam // July 23, 2009 at 12:36 am |
matb: “Is it just me? Or are there more psychotic women running around loose these days?
most likely the latter, matb.
last few days i witnessed one of the ugliest fatal attraction type scenes played out virtually in the comment boxes of one of the blogs i frequent*.
no blood spilt, but quite nasty all the same. [shudder!]
it was truly a case of hell hath no fury like a shameless virago scorned, i tell you.
* n.b: blog owner not involved. he just inadvertently provided the venue, poor chap!
Tommy Yew // July 23, 2009 at 10:24 am |
“Denial-of-Service attacks are devastating. However, after a while, they lose their sting and men learn to go without”.
Matt, it’s ok for guys like us that get the odd obligatory service maybe only once a month (if we are lucky,) it’s no big deal or big sacrifice. But when you have honorable people like Mr. de minimis Esq declaring this statement in a public forum;
• For me (who did actually attend the Man Utd 3:2 Malaysia match) the utterance of “I’ve had it with you; no sex for you for a month!” would have been quite enough to forgo all other football matches by whomever against whoever else. ;D
You’ll soon realize that he’s getting 5 stars service at a very regular frequencies in order to forsake his passion in football. Wow, she must be one helluva of woman to have this sort of hold on him.
Alas, there are too few of us that are principled enough to weather this pent up pressure and to take matters in our own hand to get out of this sticky situation.
Tommy,
P/S – I can imagine Puteri in that Olivia Newton John’s leather outfit in ‘Grease’ back in the 70’s, moving to the beat of “You’re the one that I want”, no??
higashi-san // July 23, 2009 at 4:15 pm |
Mat-san,
Tommy said,”…to weather this pent up pressure and to take matters in our own hands…”.
As part of my English Literature undergrad major studies more than 3-decades ago, the teachings of Confucius was one of the compulsory subjects(along with the Koran, the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the teachings of Buddha, Taoism,and what have you).This smart alec pal of yours here actually quoted this so-called “Confucius says” in his 2nd Year exam papers..”Confucius says, man in toilet with tool in hand not necessarily good plumber”.Much to my chagrin, I learnt later that that quote actually emanated from the changing room in my all-male Residential College after a rugby game, a few months before that 2nd Year exams.But, I still got through that paper with an “A”(howzat!).Must have given my Professor a howler with that quote.Poor Confucius!
But, on a more sober note, Mat-san,I really can`t understand these ladies.If matters come to a head like the one you quoted,that`s it,man! Time`s up, it`s “Adios” or “Sayonara” time.A Lorena Bobbit?Holy cow! Why kill the goose that lays the golden eggs?Or, as the Malay proverb says, why burn the mosquito net just`cos you have an issue with the mosquito?
Cheers!
mekyam // July 24, 2009 at 3:13 am |
mat b & higashi-san,
male geese mana lay eggs pulak!
and in the current context, perhaps that was a cooked goose who went to the manUma-match and the stabbing had nothing to do with any balls, his or foot.
the poor hapless bird probably just delayed the carving, that’s all.
Lily // July 24, 2009 at 12:52 pm |
Silly bint. Even I wouldn’t stab an MU fan. It’s more fun booing and ribbing them
higashi-san // July 24, 2009 at 1:54 pm |
Mat-san & Mek Yam,
Let`s just say…that cooked goose couldn`t tell the difference between the Bukit Jalil Stadium and any of the nocturnal clubs in downtown KL,so he ended up at the latter,he!he!
But, as I said,a straying hubby is no excuse for assault and battery.Didn`t those macho he-man Adonises maintain that variety is the spice of life?Stabbing him in the chest,let alone decapitating his manhood,wouldn`t solve anything,apart from giving vent to the pent-up anger over all those years…that marriage`s long gone,I say.So, better just part ways,as amicably as possible(if that is posible…hmmmm!).Now, that`s the way it should always be.
BTW, Mek Yam, I love your wit!
And Mat-san..how glad I am to note that your unique sense of wry humour, only to be gleaned by going through your recent highly readable depictions of episodes taken from the very ordinary life that we all face on a daily basis , is testimony enough of your growing faith
in a positive outcome to whatever you are hoping for. Karma, Mat-san, remember Karma..thou shall reap what thee sow(and don`t forget that, ever!)
Cheers!
azlin // July 26, 2009 at 4:13 am |
I think I am suppose to be sympathising with the husband and think about the impact of domestic violence etc.
but my goodness! I can’t stop laughing after this entry with your views put into it.
Dry Humour // July 26, 2009 at 9:08 am |
Mat
I must drop in more frequently. Almost missed the taking matters in one’s own hand thing. It’s always messy when one does that.
I spent the whole afternoon yesterday with a long-time-no-see buddy. My goodness, the stories he brought out, quoting apparenly reliable sources.
About famous personalities, one in power, 1-2 out of power. Much worse, more grisly than the matter-in-hand job. Not quite the Pak Sheikh Rear Admiral job.
Sorry, won’t share them with you here. Too lewd for a gentleman (?) to do so. Must protect our dear leaders, past and present. My country, right or wrong. Whatever.
Besides, there’s the Errol Flynn image, huh? Errol would rather get drunk than tell lewd stories. Or engage in them himself then get drunk.
I won’t grudge anyone luring me into suspense then cut me out dead soon after. I’ll blame it on Alfred Hitchcock or the bloody commercials.
Cheers, folks.