Misguided? No, Just Plain Evil.

Some nut-job declared outright that he is justified in condemning the country to the world at large – at every opportunity, in every forum. His twisted analogy is that if a father is raping his daughter, then the daughter has every right to stand in the middle of the street and shout it out to all and sundry.

Poppycock!

Do you really think passers-by are interested in your predicament beyond their morbid taste for the sensational? Do you really think casual passers-by will be motivated to make things right for you beyond uttering a self-righteous “You poor thing!”

The father raping the daughter indeed! This is the same country that provides him with the opportunities so that he gets to enjoy an Audi, a luxury condo, private tertiary education for his children and host of other advantages that more than half of the world out there can only dream about.

If your father is raping you on a daily basis – and there are no proper channels for you to get redress – then life must be hell for you here. If that is really the case, grow a backbone and leave home!

No, I will not agree to disagree. This is my country he is dragging through the mud. And the last time I looked it is also still his.

Is he naïve? Is he misguided? My money says he is just plain evil – and arrogant enough not to recognise his blessings.

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Deal With It

A very dear friend of mine, Amin, is getting divorced.

Yeah! The dirty old man – now stable and successful – grew tired of his haggard 46-year old wife and has decided to have a jolly good time shagging a buxom young thing’s brains out in a swanky bungalow at Ozana, Melaka for the rest of his life.

Come on – be honest – chances are most of you had this mental picture of my friend after reading the opening sentence, right?

Well, shame on you!

Five From My Bucket List

Here it is – from my Bucket List (in no specific order of priority):

1.  Have a suit made by a London bespoke tailor

I know my tailor Samuel Yeong does quite a decent job of suiting me up. In fact, I think he is every bit as good as any Savile Row tailor… right down to having undo-able cuff buttons for his jackets. But there’s something to be said about having the real deal – just for the experience. I’m thinking that a 2-piece, all-weather business suit made from 11-ounce fabric would do me nicely…

Each suit might need up to 3 fittings and 12 weeks to complete (or so they say). So, this will necessitate a long-ish stay in London (yaaay!). However, at around RM20,000 a pop, the suit will not leave me much by way of change for sightseeing. But that’s OK. I’ll just buy all-day tube passes and forget about renting an Aston Martin DB5 for the stay.

Malaysians and Shortcuts

In the days when things were less complicated, people were simply defined by the jobs that they did. You know, “Din’s a colonel in the army”, “Bakar’s a chef at a 5-star hotel”, “Bidin is senior manager at a bank” kind of stuff. However, attitudes have changed. Nowadays, things are no longer as black and white as they used to be.

As disposable incomes get bigger – and as the pressure to stay in the game mounts – Malaysians are re-discovering an almost forgotten means of dealing with the daily grind. They are re-discovering the pleasures of having a hobby. Only these days it’s no longer called a hobby. It’s called a lifestyle.

Not That Special

Romantic love is over-rated. Fuelled by sentimental notions shoved up our ass by Hollywood and countless romance novels, we are too quick to attribute amazing things to it that, frankly, it would baulk at if only it knew. Label me a jaded old cynic who has been kicked in the teeth once too often if you must. But just spend maybe the next few minutes to consider what I have to say. Who knows, what I have to say might turn out to be a load of bollocks. Then again, it just might not…

Ever heard people say things like, “If he truly loves me, he’ll always be here for me”? Or what about the one that goes, “If she really loves me, she will understand”? What a load of codswallop!  Whenever I hear statements like these, I have to suppress an overwhelming urge to slap the one saying it till either one of us goes silly and start foaming at the mouth. These people aren’t romantic at all: they are – how can I say this nicely? – just plain deluded. Its either that or they are, at the very least, spectacularly lazy. They are just not willing to put in the work to keep their partners.

The Ugly Newbie Trap

Sometimes the motivational books get it all wrong. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for enthusiasm, total immersion and all that stuff. But occasionally, these things can get pretty ugly – especially in the hands of a newbie.

Some three decades ago I was a gung-ho first-year law student convinced that he was destined to become the next big thing after Perry Mason. Of course, all the other 379,461 first-year law students at the time felt exactly the same way, too. But this didn’t really matter much to any of us. As far as we were concerned, we (and we alone) were the real deal; the others were just there make the numbers.

The Bond Awards

The Greatest Bond – EVER! – Let’s start with the easiest. This one goes to Sir Sean Connery. Frankly, nobody does it better… Fans of Roger Moore might violently disagree. But hey! They should just stick to watching The Saint.

The Meanest Bond Award – Bond is British. But one guy took it a step further: Bond is now British as well as BRUTISH! This honour goes to Daniel Craig

The Luckiest Bond Award – This one goes to Timothy Dalton. Why? He got to play opposite the most beautiful Bond girl ever: Maryam d’Abo

The Unluckiest Bond Award – What can I say? George Lazenby wins this hands down. Why? Well, he actually went off and got himself married (albeit to Diana Rigg), didn’t he? And to top it all off, she got snuffed out by the bad guys.

The Best-Looking Bond – I’d say this would have to go to Pierce Brosnan. Then again, Bonds shouldn’t look pretty: they should just look like Sean Connery

The Should Have Stayed Home Award – How shall I put this? Roger Moore was sort of OK-ish as Simon Templer in the Saint, wasn’t he? He should have stayed there.

Langkawi Five-0

“You’re the biggest goddamn 12-year old I ever met!”

In some twisted way, that was probably the second nicest thing anyone said to me during our reunion at Langkawi last weekend. I was really touched.

It all began when about a year ago when a dear friend (and former employer) mooted the idea of a reunion for our batch (the 1975 intake of MRSM Seremban). Frankly, I was a bit sceptical because the plan specified, of all things, that the entire group shall be flown to Langkawi on a chartered flight. My mind immediately protested: collecting everyone’s portion of the charter was going to be a logistical nightmare. I would have been better off if I were to start building the plane with my bare hands right there and then. This way, we stood a better chance of arriving at Langkawi in the same aircraft on the slated date.

Backseat Driver

Mother: What’s wrong with our driver? Where did he go?!

Daughter: You complain too much, Ma. This happened with Pa, too, remember? And I don’t think either one of them is coming back…

(Photograph courtesy of Muhsein Sofian)

12 Differences Between Pro and Amateur Photographers

 

1. The pro envies the amateur’s artistic freedom; the amateur envies the pro’s lifestyle
2. The pro buys the cheapest equipment that can get the job done; the amateur buys the most expensive equipment for projects he will never do.
3. The amateur has to earn money to finance his photography; the pro has to resort to photography to finance his life.
4. Models fall in love with the pro – and then regret it; amateurs fall in love with the model – and then regret it
5. Amateurs drive BMWs; pros drive Protons
6. Amateurs READ articles in photo magazine and think, “I can write that, too!”; Pros WRITE those articles and think, “Anyone can write this. But why don’t they?”
7. Camera-shop owners love amateurs; camera-shop owners hate pros
8. Amateurs think pros are at the top of their game; pros know that he is just an order-taker (most of the time)
9. Amateurs THINK pros make tons of money; pros KNOW that amateurs make tons of money (not necessarily through photography, tho)
10. Amateurs like to be seen with 30 kilos of equipment; pros think nothing of being seen with a crappy point-and-shoot camera
11. Amateurs try to dress like pros; pros try to dress like amateurs
12. Amateurs dream of going pro some day; pros dream of becoming amateurs some day.