Domestic Violence Re-visited

battered_husband.gif

Close your eyes, relax, sit back and ponder this two very special words: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

Done that? What did you see? An enraged brute of a man thumping on his helpless little wife? I thought so!

Now try again.

Do you see a woman berating her husband, perhaps even accompanying her verbal abuse with physical blows? You don’t? Try again, try harder! Do you see it now? I thought so.

The tragedy here is that, to most of us, a battered husband is something of a joke. This kind of thing doesn’t happen in real life. And even if it does, the husband must be such a wimp that he deserves having his pea-sized testicles trampled upon by his wife. What kind of a man allows his wife to beat up on him? Can’t be much of a man, can he?

I’ll tell you what kind of man allows his wife to beat-up on him: one who doesn’t believe in hitting his wife under any circumstances! See the irony here? Just the kind of man who should be celebrated as a hero is relegated to the position of a clown, and not a very good one at that, too.

But just how much hurt can a wife physically do to her husband, I hear you say? I agree, in most cases, not very much. But are we condoning such acts just because there is only a little or no physical hurt involved? Hmm… lets see, it wouldn’t hurt a woman at all if I, let’s say, lightly pinched her nipples or even softly slapped her bottom for several minutes, would it? But just because I do not cause physical hurt doesn’t mean my actions are any less reprehensible, right?

Another reason why domestic violence perpertrated on men is taken lightly is because such incidents are considered as rare as a mathematically talented Malay of any age or gender! Take a deep breath, open our hearts, and think again. Abused husbands and mathematically talented Malays aren’t really all that rare. Its just that social conditioning has not allowed us to become more aware of these people; even when they pass right under our noses. Just because we are not equipped to identfy an abused husband doesn’t mean that they don’t exist or that the pain they feel is any less real. They exist. And they bleed just like any other abused person. The stink of it is, our prejudice (or is it ignorance?) blinds us to the possibility that a man, can be, and is often abused by his wife.

And if we take a less limited interpretation of the word ‘abuse’, one that would include not only physical hurt, but also emotional hurt, the statistical instances of the abused husband has just shot through the roof! There are endless instances where I have heard a husband allude to his preference for enduring three rounds in a boxing ring (with a better boxer!) rather than take even thirty seconds of the vicious, spiteful and malicious verbal assault that most women are accepted to be quite adept at.

No such thing as an abused husband? Think again. Your husband might just be one – you just don’t know (or won’t accept) it yet.

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5 thoughts on “Domestic Violence Re-visited

  1. Would this be anything similar to henpecked?

    There’s another kind of DV which may be equally bad or worse – the psychological kind. This is where one partner (can be either man or woman) uses sweet kindly words to cover his broken ‘tembelang’. It can reach a point where the other partner begins to doubt him/herself to the point of insanity. I’ve seen it happen and it is equally not a pleasant sight; hearbreaking, I need not add.

  2. Jason:
    I cannot agree with you more! Your comics do drive the point home with added clarity, don’t they? Good stuff.

    Cakapaje:
    Taking the wider interpretation, it would. Abuse is abuse! It doesn’t matter whether it takes on physical or psychological form, perpertrated by the male or the female.

    Another way of saying this is: Stealing is stealing.Doesn’t matter if it is done at gunpoint or via a hacker’s computer. And it doesnt matter if it is perpertrated by a white guy or a black guy.

  3. 🙂 phewwww…nasuib baik saya belum di dera hehehe….actually penderaan terhadap suami ni kadang2 berlaku dalam bentuk sungguh halus….contohnya, isteri bermasam muka tanpa sebab. Itu juga penderaan sbb suami yg penyayang akan risau dan tertanya2 apa salahnya…
    lagi satu contoh….asyek tarik selimut je…tak kira la malam tu malam yg si suami ada ‘keinginan’ …adushhhh, suami yg di dera begina boleh tension ….hehehehe.

    baru baca ur email tu…nanti nak reply on how the ‘hero’ can reach me…so many thanks!

    idham

  4. Idham:

    Tepat sekali! Kekadang, orang pompuan ni -walaupun digelar the “Fairer Sex” – tak selalunya perperangai sedemikian. Ada kalanya dia lebih dominan dan ‘assertive’ dari sang suami. Dan bila suami nya, yang sedia-adanya bersifat penyayang dan prihatin, maka seksa lah si suami.

    Tapi bila si suami pula bersifat Neanderthal, suka pukul isteri dan sebagainya, dia pandai pula tunduk and hormat pada suami. Sungguh aneh!??

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