Milestones

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There is a friend who maps out his life using the women he was bonking at any particular time as milestones. So, when he speaks of the time he was with Sherry or June, then I know he is talking about his upper secondary school days. But when she speaks of the Shanti era, then I know he is referring to a period circa 1982. You get the idea, right? The periods of his life are earmarked according to whichever woman he was having a jolly good time with. And this guy had quite a few milestones mapping out his life.

Being substantially less good-looking and far lacking in the social graces than my friend, I am unable to segment my life in this manner. Conceivably, though, I could perhaps do it his way, too. But if I did, my milestones would be whichever woman it was who was having a jolly good time kicking me in the teeth at any particular time. Slightly sad, but mostly true.

Back to the matter at hand. If I were to identify one of my earliest milestones, it would probably be Ultraman. This is NOT because I was bonking Ultraman at the time but because during this era, my life literally revolved around Ultraman. If it – whatever ‘it’ was – didn’t have anything to do with Ultraman, then I’d have nothing to do with it either. Life was simple back then. Then again, I was maybe only 5 at the time.

After that, things got a bit blurry for awhile. The next milestone in my life was probably the ‘Unlikely Detective’. This one harks back to the seventies when there was a spate of detective series featuring detectives with some sort of disability. Doesn’t ring a bell yet? Think of Ironside (wheel chair bound), Cannon (insane Body Mass Index), Barnaby Jones (geriatric), Longstreet (blind) and you’ll get the picture. This was the period when I wanted to grow up to be a detective. Since all the good detectives all had some kind of disability, I even seriously thought of doing myself in with some sort of injury so that I would acquire a suitable disability. This disability will then enable me to achieve greatness as s detective. Beat that!

The next milestone is probably the cliche-est of the lot: The ‘Beautiful Woman’ milestone. During tis period, my world was ruled by Pam Dauber, Victoria Principal, Morgan Fairchild, Veronica Hamel and Connie Seleca to name a few. This, of course, is a recurring milestone and will be revisited in a later post.

This was quickly followed the ‘Macho Crap’ milestone. Not much explanation is needed here except to say that during this period, Stallone, Bruce Willis, Bruce Lee, Jean-Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal and Noordin Ahmad reigned supreme. It should also come as no surprise to learn that this era closely coincided with my stint as a bouncer at a karaoke club.

But as I get older, I find that my heroes are no longer uber-hunks who can kick and punch their way out of any adverse situation but rather, an unlikely group of males who are dominating an area of life that is generally accepted to be the domain of women – cooking! Nowadays, while I do occasionally enjoy a Charles Bronson or John Wayne flick, more likely than not, I’d rather be watching Bobby Chin or Andrew Zimmern blazing the culinary trail. I guess the milestone I am at now is the ‘Charismatic Chef’ milestone.

Have I gotten soft and effeminate in my old age? Maybe. But if you doubt I still have the sufficient level of testosterone coursing through my body, have a look at who sits atop my culinary pedestal. Yep, she’s none other than the satisfying mouthful of goodness in a D-cup: Nigella Lawson!

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Nigella Lawson

Honestly, wouldn’t you want to have this dish on your dinner table?

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13 thoughts on “Milestones

  1. Now I wonder if you will be watching Nigella Lawson cook or just enjoying the bountiful beauty that her luscious D-cup has to offer. 😉
    This reminds me of my friend who watched Superman (Christopher Reeve) three times. Once to check it out, second time for the storyline (deeper concentration here) and the third time just to mindlessly stare at his outfit, particularly at the nether region. 😀

    Ah yes! I remember those shows mentioned – Ironside, Cannon, Barnaby Jones. Then there were Marcus Welby, MD, The Saint, Kojak. Cowboy shows like Rawhide, Cheyenne, Bonanza were markers for my early life. As I grew up, it was Little House of the Prarie. (Who knew then that I would be living in a country that produced those shows?) Happy memories are marked by cartoons and puppets – Smurfs, Fraggle Rock, Sesame Street, Transformers.

    I could go on and on about shows but I think mostly the milestones in my life were based around music. I remember songs from way back in 1972. When I hit my teenage years, these songs became very special to me – Lionel Richie’s “Hello”, Aha’s “Take On Me”, Tears for Fears’ “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”, Billy Ocean’s “Suddenly”, etc.

    Oh! I could go on and on and on …

  2. Hahah, I think I emphatize with the ‘kicking in the teeth’ part. Aren’t they evil ?

    i do remember the “Macho Crap” action movies. Good time , good times 🙂

    Did you kick ass while spouting one-liners ?

  3. [JT]

    Cheyenne! Oh, yes! That is a milestone in itself, too.

    [Mr JP]

    They (women) are evil, aren’t they? But the trouble is, they are just so damn good to hold, too! So, what is a man to do? *sigh*

    [elviza]

    Nigella is one hot babe, ma’am. Did you know she is the daughter of Nigel Lawson? He was the Chancellor of the Exchequer when Maggie Thatcher was in office.

    Hey, its good to be back. However, tomorrow I’m off to Melaka for a few days. As John Wayne used to say: “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do!”

  4. [class monitor]

    I’ll have her for breakfast, lunch, dinner and anything in between!

    [sir cipan]

    Yes sir, Nigel doesn’t seem the sort to have the right type of ink, does he?

    About Mrs Lawson… I was nowhere near her when it happened. Honest!

  5. Dear MB,

    I bet you are an avid reader, otherwise you could not weave the words to my absloute astonishment thus far.

    If you are reading Growing Up in Trengganu (GUiT), theres gonna be a Tea Session for the bloggers to meet the author and his adorable wife – Kak Teh.

    If you are in town and happens to be free this Sunday at 4 pm, we ll see you at Kinokuniya KLCC. There, I have extended the invitation.

  6. Mat B.. significant milestones, eh? Phew, at least you still got it for D-cups. For a moment there I thought, oh never mind (effiminate), For the record I’m still locked in the Van Damme- Seagal phase,bro’.. Because on the shelves in the derrick barge rec room , that’s the only fare available. What do you expect from rougnnecks? Chekov, Maupassant or Conrad?

    Also enjoyed the M250 piece. I’d really love to get my calloused grubby oil-field hands on one. I just love ’em. Too bad I can’t use ’em to sign million dollar checks. 🙂

  7. [elviza]

    Is that Sunday the 9th or Sunday the 16th? I just got back from Melaka. So, if its Sunday the 9th, then I’ve missed it 😦

    Er… I do like to read. Maybe a bit too much – much to the dismay (annoyance?) of those around me.

    [mat salo]

    Yes… D-cups are delicious, bro. I’ve also discovered (unfortunately, not first-hand) that Nigella uses DD cups.

    It’s kinda hard to find Conrad on a derrick barge, eh? I guess its like when people see me reading, for example, Scott Fitzgerald: They tend to ask themselves questions like, “What’s that less than intelligent looking fellow doing reading books without any pictures in it?”

  8. Hello Mat Bangkai,

    I was seriously enjoying all your milestones from Ultraman to Macho Crap to Charismatic Chef milestones. I was enjoying talking about all the hunks and then…you have to spoil it with Nigella must you now?? I can’t make myself like her. You know why? It ain’t real…ha ha…no women after whipping three dishes will end up looking that cool! So there..she ain’t real.

    I’m just sour graping. She’s such competition to us mere women mortals right girls (ok I speak for myself at least!)..LOL.

    Welcome back MB, patut lah agak senyap and I was beginning to wonder what happened to you?

  9. [sheryl]

    Though I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Nigella’s twins, I would imagine they’re really nice.

    Have a nice day, ma’am.

    [ruby]

    Good to hear from you again, ma’am. I’ll let you in on a secret. Generally, we men don’t really care if women can look like that even after they have just whipped up 3 dishes in a row. What’s important is that they look like that – with or WITHOUT the dishes 🙂

    Whoever it was that said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach had his/her geography all wrong. The gateway to a man’s heart is slightly south of his stomach.

    I’m thoroughly obnoxious, aren’t I?

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