A Dodgy Concealment Method

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Back when smoking wasn’t yet a bad word (at least, it wasn’t if you were over 18), a packet of 20 Benson and Hedges cost an almost amusing 95 sen. With RM1.00 in your pocket, you could get yourself a packet smokes and a box of matches to light-up with. It wasn’t very hard to keep me amused and thoroughly chuffed in those days; all it would take was RM1.00. But of course, the year was 1977; I was only 15 and had not yet fully discovered the other pleasures life had in store for me.

Getting the cigarettes was easy enough. The hard part was ‘smuggling’ the contraband back into MRSM without getting caught. The favoured method of concealment was stuffing the cigarettes down our Y-fronts (boxers hadn’t yet come back in vogue in 1977). This was quite a simple enough procedure for almost everyone. But the ‘down-your-underpants’ method of concealment posed two substantial obstacles for me. First, I have always detested wearing any kind of underwear, for any reason (always have and always will). Secondly, this aversion to wearing underwear meant that my cigarettes would have to go down someone else’s underpants.

I reasoned, however, that even if this was conceptually unhygienic (to say the least), it was NOT technically so – after all, the pack of cigarette came wrapped in plastic, right? All my friend had to do was to wipe my packet of cigarettes clean before he handed them back to me once we were back at the hostel. Further, if we ever got caught (which thankfully never happened), it would be my friend who would be going down for the crime. And if he ratted on me, I’d categorically deny any involvement in the deed until there was everlasting peace in the Middle East.

Besides, with two packets of Benson and Hedges stuffed down the front of his underpants, he would look quite well-endowed and as if he been singularly blessed with an impressively sustainable hard-on. Why on earth should he be complaining? The fact that his ‘bulge’ would draw an inordinate amount of attention if there was a ‘spot-check’ at the school gate (and proportionately increase his chances of getting caught) was another matter altogether.

In retrospect (now some 30 years later), I have re-evaluated the ‘down-your-underpants’ method of concealment and found it to be quite lacking. After all, the contraband could just as easily be found if it were down your Y-fronts as it would be if you had stuffed it into your pants pockets, right? But somehow, at the time, it seemed like a good idea. It just felt ‘safe’, although I’m not quite sure if you could actually use the word ‘safe’ in this context; the last time I looked, cigarette packets came with eight very sharp corners.

Be that as it may, now that my cigarettes do not have to go down someone else’s underpants, they do somehow taste a lot better. And by the way, if your husband (Sugar Daddy, boyfriend or whatever) has got the words ‘Benson and Hedges’ permanently imprinted on his penis, please tell him I said “Hi!”.

I think he’ll remember me.

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12 thoughts on “A Dodgy Concealment Method

  1. Salam bro,

    Yup, those were the ‘good’ young days. But 95cents for a 20pack? Hmm…I remember in KL we had to fork out RM1.20; 70cents for 14; and 40cents for the slim 6pack!

    About stuffing it in the underwear, on this side of the world, we did it with the 14 or 6pack, which was more convenient. Sometimes, a wise ass would even do it without the pack! 😦

  2. Yes! They were 95 sen for 20s and 35 sen for the 6 pack (for a while). Then it went up to RM1.20.

    In Seremban (where men were real men), we used to stuff entire packs of 20s (sometimes 2 packs) down our Y-fronts (those of us who actually wore underwear). I guess they don’t make men in KL like they do in Seremban.

  3. [sheryl]

    Yes, ma’am. Benson is the preferred suicide tool of us old geezers who were born before 1965 🙂

    Hmmm… come to think of it, my grandpa smoked Bensons, too! I guess its a hereditary thing i.e. I acquired the taste for Bensons from stealing his cigarettes.

    BTW, I used to regularly smoke something that really ROCKED when I was a student in London. But I think you can get into really big trouble for smoking it here, tho.

  4. [bailey]

    As they say: Great men think alike! 🙂

    [elviza]

    Yes, we MRSMers are a hardy lot – regular suckers for punishment

    [ectopy]

    I have never found any valid reason why men should wear undies. I reckon the ones that do only do so from force of habit.

    But I can understand why a kilt-wearing Scotsman ought to wear some kind of undergarment, tho 🙂

  5. [yb wak cipan]

    Oh! This explains why I have never had an accident with my zipper – ever!

    [elviza]

    Bensons used to be my fag of choice. But while in London, I switched to Old Holborn rollies (it was the cool thing to do). Now its Winstons – Bensons are way too expensive now.

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