Over the years, I’ve learnt to speak Malay, English, and some Cantonese (for when I want to be rude). I’ve even picked up a little Tamil here and there. However, the greatest challenge has been learning a language I call ‘Womanspeak’ i.e. that language women use when they want to communicate (or try to). After 46 years, I’ll admit I haven’t picked-up much. But here I’ll share a bit of what I’ve learnt (the hard way) so that the less initiated man out there will not have to go through the pain that most of us who are more experienced have gone through. I don’t know if it will help, but here’s a go at it:
Womanspeak: I’m worried.
Translation: You’d better solve this problem for me. Or else!
Womanspeak: Where shall be have dinner tonight?
Translation: You’d better come up with the answer I have in mind. Or else!
Womanspeak: I love you.
Translation: I really do – until someone better comes along, of course.
Womanspeak: Money means nothing to me.
Translation: Money means EVERYTHING to me.
Womanspeak: But this is YOUR responsibility.
Translation: Even if it isn’t, I CAN’T (or WON’T) deal with this. You deal with it!
Womanspeak: Who was that on the ‘phone, dear?
Translation: So, you’re you have a mistress now, do you? You typical useless male!
Womanspeak: I wasn’t screaming at you.
Translation: You better not pursue this or I’ll scream even HARDER at you.
Womanspeak: Let’s discuss what we’ll do about this, OK?.
Translation: Do this MY way, you fool!
Womanspeak: You’re the man in this relationship, please decide!
Translation: The moment you do, I’ll have somebody to blame!
Womanspeak: He’s just a colleague at work
Translation: That’s all I’m telling you. The rest, I’ll keep to myself.