I was tagged by Cakapaje, an otherwise regular guy but for the fact that he suffers from the delusion that he looks like me (in his dreams!). Anyway, this guy tags me and then leaves me to figure out what the tag actually is. OK, he may be a few soldiers short of a platoon but I will admit to all and sundry that he is a very good and dear friend – always have been and always will be. Thus, I will endure the chore of undertaking some detective-work to ascertain what the tag actually is. To the best of my ability, I guess he wants me to bare my soul and reveal 15 random (and hopefully interesting) facts about myself. So here goes:
- I joined UMNO once but got thrown out when they subsequently decided that I was actually English.
- I tried to join the Conservative Party at Bromley once but was rejected because they said I looked suspiciously Malay.
- Whenever I buy a book (no, they don’t necessarily have to have pictures in them), I like to immediately find out what the last word on the last page is. No, don’t psychoanalyse this, OK?
- One of my clients (an Indian) was so impressed with me once that he made me an Honorary Indian. The lot at Hindraf, however, remain skeptical.
- I lost 27 out of my 29 semi-professional kickboxing bouts. The two instances where I won were when my corner alerted me (mid-fight) that I had forgotten to wear my my groin-protector. Self-preservation and the need to procreate, it seems, are powerful motivators.
- I was stopped by the police once for multiple traffic offenses. Instead of forking out money to the policeman to be let off the hook, the policeman was so overwhelmed after hearing my life story that he actually gave me money!
- When my friends go missing, their wives, for some reason, come gunning for me, demanding I tell them what evil deeds I have been up to with their husbands the night before. It seems their motto is: Blame it on Bangkai
- I used to look good wearing only a pair of jeans (and nothing else). Yes, go on… laugh! Why doesn’t anyone ever believe this?
- Many have alleged (with more than a little disgust) that the trouble with me is that I think I am an Englishman. They are wrong. I don’t think I am English at all. Now that I have adapted well, I think I’m a true blue Malay.
- I was once asked by my Bahasa Malaysia teacher to construct a sentence using the word ‘mendaki’. This was what I came up with: “Pak Ahmad mendaki pokok kelapa”
- I worked in Kuwait once, but believe or not, I didn’t pick up even one Arabic swear word.
- If I were Mr Bean, Cakapaje would be that little blue three-wheeled car.
- I only got my driving license at the ripe old age of 30 – on my 30th birthday, in fact.
- I took a course in speed reading once. I read War and Peace in less than 2 hours. It involved Russia.
- I get confused when handling anything that has more than three buttons. Blouses, however, seem to be an exception.
You happy now, Cakapaje?