Let’s Be Fair When Trying To Be Fair


My interest in the goings on in the world of entertainment – the domain of our so-called artistes – goes about as deep as a roadside puddle after a slight drizzle. But given the media circus surrounding the plight of Abby Abadi and her husband, Norman Hakim, I cannot help but get a whiff of what rightfully ought to be a private matter. OK, being celebrities they should expect a degree of exposure that goes above and beyond what is normal. This is not my contention. However, I am disheartened to note the seemingly unfair stance that society is taking on the matter.

The husband is caught gallivanting with another woman and the whole world cries, “Foul!” Women’s programmes drag her out and wring the last once of sensationalism out of the poor woman. And while we’re at it, the print media isn’t any way less ruthless than their electronic brethren. The message being exploited is: Men are useless little pricks concerned solely with how and when they will get laid next.

Well, in some cases this may be true. But that’s not my point. My bone of contention is this: Why the double standard? When a woman is wronged by her man, society is all too ready to take her side and cast the man to the deepest depths of hell. Norman two-times Abby and the world takes her side, wiping her tears with whatever remnants of self-respect he has left – and eventually with his bank account. Some other sorry excuse for a husband kicks the shit out of his wife, we are ready to tear him limb from limb and leave his remains at the centre of Dataran Merdeka for the crows to pick at. Well and good. I have no problems with this.

But for every woman whose husband screwed around, I can name a woman who did just the same if not better. For every pathetic husband who ever laid a hand on his wife, I can name a woman who did just as much damage to her husband with her words and actions (Question: You mean words don’t hurt as much as a slap?). For every marriage that went down the tubes because the man was an idiot, I can point to another that crumbled because the wife was a bitch.

So, what’s my point? Simple: Do away with all this double standard and hypocrisy. Our reaction ought to be just as vitriolic regardless of whether the man or the woman is at fault. Think about this for a second: Are we really fair when we are trying to be fair? Case in point: How come the world didn’t rally around Hans Isaac when Erra socked it to him? Or why doesn’t it protest vehemently, for example, when a woman leaves her husband to be with a minister/rockstar/whatever? Why are we all too willing to sympathise with down-trodden housewives and conveniently overlook the hordes of hen-pecked husbands who suffer in silence (allegedly in Negeri Sembilan or wherever it is that husbands are hen-pecked)? Cut a man and he bleeds red, too – just like any woman. Why do we forget this?

A wrong is still a wrong – no matter which gender commits it. Maybe its time to get a charter for the Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Males…


13 thoughts on “Let’s Be Fair When Trying To Be Fair

  1. Mat B – I’d say “off with her head!” in true Henry VIII style…

    But seriously, you do have a valid point there, and I do know a couple of bitches to support it. Heck, I know more than a couple! What can I say except that I shall throw my support behind RSPCM… šŸ™‚

    Puteri Kamaliah

    The voice of sanity speaks! Used to think you were of the “All-men-are-useless” persuasion. Just proves how wrong I can be. Sorry!

    But seriously, this isn’t about “women are better than men” or vice versa: just that both men and women deserve to be treated on the same footing.

    Thanks for the support, ma’am!

  2. Setuju…macam, kenapa ramai orang pandang isteri kedua semacam? Lepas tu, bila the husband kahwin lagi, mesti kena, “Padan muka…sekarang baru dia rasa…” Why?

    Tapi, I kesian Abby…Namun, I tak setuju juga dia ajak all the wartawan ikut dia masa nak serang Norman. Macam you kata, itukan private matter… Lagi mahu tanya Norman, “Habis, saya tak da mak bapak?” Tapi cara dia tu sendiri menunjukkan dia macam tak da mak bapak…
    Semoga kita diberi petunjuk untuk bertindak dengan lebih bijaksana ketika berhadapan dengan situasi seperti itu. Amin.


    Betulkan? Co-wives get a bad rap, too, don’t they – a long with divorcees.

    OK, the RSPCM will be handing out honourary memberships to these groups – all in the interest of fairness, of course…

  3. Good morning Mat.RSPCM?Woof Woof!Hooi garangnya!Though you are so very right,please let me know where its first meeting will be held.I nak dynamite the whole place!hahaha


    Mana ada garang, ma’am? Passionate sikit-sikit to adalah… šŸ™‚

    A favour , ma’am? Can you send me your photo so that I can tell RSPCM members to be on the look-out for you during the meeting? Otherwise, we’ll have to strip search every suspicious looking female who comes within a 5 km radius for concealed explosives.

    On second thoughts, maybe we can do without the photo. I am certain RSPCM members will prefer the strip search option, anyway – all in the interest of being effective and thorough, of course… šŸ˜‰

  4. MB,

    I ll make it this a brief one as I am not on the lappie.

    Save your breath: men are all prick.

    Norman indiscretion isn’t the first time. He was once forgiven before being shown the door.

    If I were the judge, I ll grant Abby’s application an order in terms before she greets me good morning.



    Aha! Maybe you’ve missed the point: I’m hardly on Norman’s side.

    What I’m saying is that should Abby – God forbid – one day commit a similar indiscretion, let’s not forget to hang her from the same branch of the same tree we hanged Norman from. She shouldn’t be given any dispensations simply because she is a girl.

    Good to have you here again, ma’am.

  5. Of course, I didn’t miss the point.

    Which is precisely this: if Abby did that, she’ll be forgiven because she’s a girl.

    Seriously, if I am delusional, just don’t tell me.

    I am not the one fighting for the equality between the two genders. I absolutely believe that the world should give in to every girl’s whims and fancies. How can that be an equal world?

    What say you Mat?


    Aaah! Now I see. It is I who have missed your point.

    Tho’ I see it now, I don’t necessarily have do agree, right?

    No its not a equal world. Let’s see – if we hang the male miscreant by the balls from the highest tree, we can’t possibly do the same to a female offender, right?

    We’d have to hang her by her tits! LOL

  6. mb said… Men are useless little pricks

    uh-huh! surely, they aren’t all little. šŸ˜‰

    agree with you though that society SHOULD practise equal-opportunity raking over live-coals of married miscreants on both sides of the divide.

    perhaps the reason why not more wives are scorched is because not many are doing it? [whisper: then again, maybe they are more discreet?]

    however, my sneaking suspicion is that most wives are busy trying to keep their husbands from straying or keep straying ones from being snared, while juggling work and family, to indulge in some indiscretion themselves.

    darn it, there’s just too little time for wives in this d and a! šŸ˜€


    Ok, ma’am – they are not all little. I stand corrected. I’ve been guilty of judging others by my own standards šŸ™‚

    I think the more accurate hypothesis is that women are a hell of a lot better at being discreet -NOT that they have less time.

    (OK, don’t all you women start throwing rocks/rotten vegetables/nuclear bombs at me all at the same time… )

  7. Mat-san,

    Something must have happened to you which triggered this subject.The yin and yang a little unbalanced recently?There you go…the inevitable provocations are coming already under “Comments”.My take… the likes of Norman and Abby shouldn`t dry their dirty linen in public. I beg of them…please exercise some discretion when engaging in these domestic tiffs. Theirs wasn`t the first, and numerous couples out of there are in the same boat too.Undoubtedly, since when is this world fair?And is it true waht they say that if you can fall in love, similarly, you can also fall out of love.Yet, for the sake of putting on a brave facade, for the in-laws, for the kids`s sake(sic!), they`d rather just go through the motions, under the same roof.If the heart is already devoid of any feeling for the spouse(whether it`s the spouse`s fault or otherwise), how do you lay on the blame when the heart opens up to another,whose ears are more willing to listen to the renderings of your tormented soul,compared to the one at home who can`t even stand the sight of you?My late parents-in-law were like that…for more than 30-years, they passsed each other in the house silently, with not even a raised eyebrow in acknowledgment of the other`s presence…”I`m doing it for your sake”…they each tell their children and grandchildre,on separate ocassions, of course..can you believe that?

    And the Muslims..how on earth could the man have managed to marry one, two, three or even four, if his time is to remain totally focussed on the one/those at hand?How did they manage the courting phase?Etc. I`ve always wondered about that.Some of my Malay female friends ,highly professional ones in their 40`s and married(of course),even tell me that it is quite wrong ,religion-wise,for the current wife/wives to object to his polygamous wishes,let alone raise a hue and cry, if hubby is totally capable of being a good provider to all his wives.Isn`t that amazing, Mat-san?

    I rest my case. In my case, one is more than I can manage, truly!


    *Standing ovation*

    You, sir, have managed to say what I failed to find words for.

    Yes, yin and yang have been out of whack lately.

    Between you and me, one is more than ANYBODY can humanly manage. But then again, I think it is in the male psyche to bite off more than he can chew.

    Good to hear from you again, sir

  8. Mr B,

    to me senang aje:

    tugas suami, among others, ialah untuk jaga isteri. Kalau they do what Norman did, maknanya diorang tak jaga isteri.
    Kalau diorang kena buli dengan isteri that means diorang tak pandai jaga isteri…

    either way…Men are useless little pricks!!



    Kesudahan cerita, men will fall into either one of these categories:

    (a) tak jaga isteri OR
    (b) tak pandai jaga isteri

    Hmmm… tugas isteri pulak apa? :-))

  9. Hah Mumsie! We are sisters already. Men, by all definitions, are useless pricks. Of course the only exception is my son and yours.


    Tugas isteri? Mencantekkan diri lah. Duhhhh! Itu pun tak tahu ker?


    Tu saja? Cool lah jadi pompuan ni…

  10. norman is giving us guys a bad name. not that we need any more help on that front la. his timing sucks. the wife still in confinement some more. plus what’s with the staunch defense of the other girl?

    anyways, i tend to agree with u on this. but from my experience there’s always two sides to every story, two parties to every arguments. for all the mob hating norman i’m sure there must be some who supports him. and for all the people sympathizing with abby i’m sure u can find at least one person who thinks that it might all be her fault.

    entah ler


    I can think of one person who will definitely support Norman: The other girl! šŸ™‚

    There’s always two sides to the story. This is exactly my point. But why does the media – in it’s self-proclaimed dedication to objectivity – only focus on Abby’s side of things?

    Good to meet you, Acat.

  11. In short, it takes a reason for a woman to cheat ok….and alwayz its due to the husband.

    But for men….yeah they all r just criminals

    Desert Rose

    Yes, a woman needs a reason before she cheats. Usually the husband is cited as the reason. But really, deep down in her heart – “any reason will do…”

    In the interest of equality, this applies to men, too. Trouble is, men are slightly more willing to admit that this is true.

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