Why I Am Not A Socio-Political Blogger

kodok

Over a few ‘teh tariks’ when I was in Melaka the other day, a close friend broached the question as to why I do not blog about socio-political issues. I knew this would come up one of these days; I just didn’t think it would be so soon. In fact, there was a brief but sweet period when I actually thought I could get away without having to address the question. Was there a way of getting out of this?

“Yeah, tell me, why aren’t you a so-po blogger” Ridwan pressed.

“Wow! Look at the ‘nenen‘ on that ‘kodok’!” I cried, gesturing toward a particularly well-endowed Italian tourist who was the spitting image of Marissa Tomei. Jaws dropped for a while, followed by “Oooh’s!” and “Aaaah’s!” At our age, all of us knew that the best we could do was only to look – anything beyond that would probably prove to be too challenging for our very limited physical means. When the “Oooh’s” and “Aaah’s” finally subsided, everyone at the table went glassy eyed reminiscing the glory days of a bygone era and the sexual prowess (real or imagined) that had long left our loins.

I almost thought I had gotten away with it when Ridwan chimed in again, “So, why aren’t you a so-po blogger?”

I took a deep breath, lit another Winston, and explained, “I guess, I’m just too dumb to understand the issues. I know just as much about society and politics as I do about that Italian kodok’s early childhood.”

There was silence. Then Ridwan asked, “Come now, tell us the REAL reason why you’re not a so-po blogger?”

To this, Ah Kiong added, “Yeah, everybody knows that so-po blogging is the only legitimate kind of blogging. All the heavyweights of Malaysian blogging are so-po bloggers.”

“Hang on a minute, mate” Zainal interrupted. “What do you mean when you say ‘so-po blogger’? Do you mean owners who fill their sites with rabid acts of name-calling directed at the Government or even Opposition? Pseudo-journo types who hatch conspiracies theories (based on the most tenuous connections) even when there are none? Self-styled intellectuals who are only too willing wag their fingers at others when things go wrong but who can never – under their own steam – offer an original or viable solution?”

“Whoa! Zainal. Put in that way, so-po blogging sounds almost like a four letter word” replied Ah Kiong.

I shrunk slowly away from the conversation, hoping they would forget about me altogether. I figured the less I contributed to it, the better.

“Hmm… come to think of it, so-po blogging seems to be a very negative activity” said Ridwan pensively.

“It is! Just how positive can you be when you’re busy slamming things or people around?” Zainal added.

At this, Ah Kiong offered, “But not all of it is negative, right?”

“Of course there are exceptions, Kiong. But those that don’t slam others are just busy re-reporting the news; news you can get in the papers or on TV, anyway. Look at the blogs around you, half the time their content are simply hyperlinks to ‘Malaysiakini’, ‘The Star Online’ or other such sites. Just what is the point, Kiong?” Zainal muttered his explanation.

“But I suppose they do create awareness…”

“Yeah, I suppose they do. But isn’t it all – how shall I say this? – quite redundant? What makes these bloggers think readers come to their site before they go the ‘The Star Online’ or Malaysiakini, for instance? If you had a blog, Kiong, do you think people will come to your site first, and then follow your hyperlink to Malaysiakini? I should think not! So what’s the point?”

“But you got to admit, Zainal, all the slamming and name-calling is somewhat entertaining.”

“Yes, Kiong; entertaining up to a point. Beyond that it does get tedious and downright depressing.” Ridwan quipped. Β He took a sip of his ‘kopi Tongkat Ali’ and added, “But my question was, why isn’t Bangkai a so-po blogger?”

“Yeah, that’s right. So why aren’t you a so-po blogger?” demanded Ah Kiong.

I cleared my throat, and just when I was about to bluff my way out of my predicament, a sweet, sensuous voice broke in: “Do you know where the Straits Meridien Hotel is?” It was the well-endowed Marissa Tomei look-alike standing like a Greek Goddess just a few feet away from us.

Smooth as a Steven Segal on-screen ‘iriminage’, I got up from my seat and offered, “Yes, ma’am. I do. In fact, I am going there right now. Can I give you a ride?” I extended my hand and offered to carry her back-pack for her. She smiled and handed me the bag.

“If you will follow me, my car is just over there.”

As we walked to my car, I looked back over my shoulder and said, “I’ll be blogging about this soon…” I was careful to let the smugness linger in my grin.

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22 thoughts on “Why I Am Not A Socio-Political Blogger

  1. MB, I am no sopo but I have been listed as such in some blogs. I write about my cats, children and my mak – is that SOPO? How these people categorise sopo, i dont know. Am just a mak cik rambling away about her cats and her children..and one day, while in Liverpool, I had an sms all the way from bangi…Kak Teh! says the sms, your blog is in the list of 5o malaysian bloggers under scrutiny by the powers that be!
    after that, if i am not mistaken, we were labled as monkeys.

    Whaaaaaaat? do these people do their homework and research before they start labelling?

    I am not clever that way to be political, and not that bright to do social commentary – so leave me out of SOPO’s, i’d say.

    ya, your reaction to the nenen wld certainly not make you a Sopo.

    kak teh

    The ‘nenen’ bit was a dead giveaway, wasn’t it? Naaaah! I’m no where smart enough to be a sopo (whatever that might mean).

    And you should rightly be under scrutiny by the powers that be! They should scrutinise how well you write and emulate it πŸ™‚

  2. MB

    You had me drooling at “nenen”. πŸ˜€

    By the way, deft handling of the so-po blogging issue.

    Sir, will there a follow-up story on “Marisa” or, is everything to be left to our limited imagination?

    de minimis

    I like that word, ‘deft’. I should learn to use it more.

    The Marissa look-alike? Words in a blog posting won’t do the topic any justice, only imagination will be able to give it the treatment it deserves πŸ˜‰

  3. Mat

    I like your “limited physical means”. You have a way with words, man.

    I don’t care whether you are a so-po or ho-po blogger. You are a damn good writer. And humourous, too.

    Dry Humour

    Thank you, sir, for your kind words.

    I think I shall now round-up bloggers who are as rotund as I and start another blogging category: Hippo bloggers πŸ™‚

  4. Politics is a serious business.You cant afford jokes and lively banter! You’ll never be a so-po blogger MB. Cause you’ll be clowning around and making more kataks jump about! Pheewbit! Pweetbit! Croak! Croak!

    And somebody’s got to help all the Marisa Tomei look-alikes! Wait till I report this ‘kindnes’ of yours to your missus! hahaha

    mamasita

    That’s right, ma’am. Much to my shame, I’ll never be a sopo blogger πŸ˜‰

    Someone help the Masissa look-alikes? I thought I was doing just that πŸ˜‰

    But you know what they say about acts of kindness right? They should be kept a secret; no point in telling the missus πŸ™‚

  5. Since you know how to do iriminage ala Segal, I need not teach you in a cramped karaoke room kan? πŸ˜›
    But if a Tomei lookalike can make you perform it, maybe I need a Cruise in my dojo…

    percicilan

    *rotfl*

    Yes, ma’am. A Cruise would definitely light up any woman’s dojo.

    But despite my best efforts, the Marissa look-alike just didn’t have the aptitude for iriminage. She was more than adept at a few other moves, though.

  6. Whatever ‘po’ blogger you are, Mat B, rest assured we, the ‘nenen & kodok generation ‘ won’t desert you ..

    By the way, please count me in for that hip-po blogger thingy..I qualify!

    Puteri Kamaliah

    I knew I could always count on the ‘nenen & kodok’ generation. Thanks

  7. Well…..mamak,Karlito aka Mat Lenjan has always been imtrested in politics since our London days.Guess how the name Karlito came about,at one ponint in time he often quote from Karl Max purely acedemic agument among us then.Thus his agrument has strong basis and well argued as far as I could remember.
    How’s Zainal’s Air Fadilat buisness?

    Yeah,mentioning about sopo bragging.No issues not of the time.Could you believe my blog which I could hardlywrite and with no vistor and most of the time I’m rambling to myself was visited by the PDRM a couple of time.Entah apa yang dia orang cari I pun tak tahu.As you said cerita nenen adalah.
    You mamakdefinately not a politician but a definate General.If you lead the army,I follow you.Politician none in you.

    Pak Tuo

    Yes, you are rambling. But that’s OK – I enjoy your rambling, bro

  8. Salam Mat,
    You lucky guy! I hope this was real and not another fiction? Btw, is “Ridwan” in the story also known as “Che Lid” of UMD? Personally, I think it’d be best if you stick to what you’re doing now and not get involve with so-po… we’ve had too many of them already!

    Dhahran Sea

    No, sir, it was not Che Lid. It was another Ridwan – the one from MRSM KB. And, yes: There are already too many sopo bloggers.

    And, bro, did you see any fiction disclaimer at the end of the posting? Enough said…

  9. the closest to so-pol i had ever got was the time when i reported that i fell asleep at the parliament’s lobby during a dramatic debate between nazri and kit siang at the dewan rakyat. i also expressed my disappointment that the big sturdy chairs the MPs sit on were probably nailed to the floor and that was perhaps the reason why no one bashed up each other with chairs.

    the-plagiarist

    Like you, ma’am, I find politics to be sleep-inducing, too. But in my case, I think its simply because I haven’t got the required level of intelligence.

    I knew there was a rason why those chairs are nailed to the floor… πŸ™‚

  10. Dude, you have to remain a non-sopo blogger; even if you are the last man standing.

    Otherwise, who could we turn to, to lighten our day, lift our moods and put that grin back to where it belongs. Nenen and kodok jokes notwithstanding. *chuckles*

    Andrea Whatever

    I like that phrase, “last man standing”. I like it a lot.

    I am also pleased as punch to know that my writing is able to positively touch a few people out there.

    Thanks, ma’am.

  11. No need for you to join the rest of sopo bloggers, most of the time memeningkan kepala. It’s refreshing to read your articles after a tour of those sopo blogs.

    Keep on doing what you do best i.e write about life, be it fiction or non fiction.

    Noor

    Noor

    Thanks for the vote of confidence, ma’am. I shall try my best.

  12. The moral of the story that I could take away from this one is that it takes a non so-po blogger to entrance a goddess. πŸ™‚

    Have a good weekend, MB.

    Theta

    I would have thought it was the other way around, ma’am. It was I who was entranced.

    Good weekend to you, too.

  13. I am very concerned of the inappropriate language and imprecise information in your essay.
    Firstly is ur preponderance for constraining nenen in perverted commas.I must advise u to let the nenens loose.
    Secondly,is the sadly inadequate justification for defining the physical attributes of the lady as such:merely hearsee.I would advise for completeness and a fair review you should provide precise data and links to enumerate ur claims on the lady’s behalf and ur subsequent attempt to stake a claim .
    And its a slur on the Tomei goldsmith family to say that they’re eyeties???

    thanks

    ismail

    I shall henceforth endeavour to take the necessary steps in improving my woefully inadequate command of the English language – particularly in the use of the appropriate punctuation marks – and also in strengthening my rudimentary, if not distasteful, reporting skills.

    It is thus, my earnest hope that these efforts shall, to some extent, alleviate your concerns.

    Thanks.

  14. Sir MB,

    Yup, I second Andrea’s motion. You should stick as a non-sopo blogger. We have enough fiery sopo blogs to take a peep at if we wish to toot-toot-toot… πŸ˜›

    Let us know when the hippo blogger team is opened up for registration, I may qualify to join the group as well πŸ˜›

    myannejay

    I don’t think there is any fear of me turning into a sopo blogger. As you say, the sopo scene is already saturated with not only bona fide sopo bloggers, but also with sopo blogger wannabes. I should not to lend anymore misery to that over-crowded space.

    Yes, the hippo bloggers category is still wide open. However it will be the first blogger category based on body mass index instead of content… πŸ™‚

  15. Bro

    You gotta be in the loop to write sopo. News and story publised is mere iceberg tip with 9/10th still submerge.

    Theres quite a number of sopo blogs. Off course, lots of the what-I-did-today blog, foto-here-and-there blogs, wattafuck-is-these-kids-blogging blog, etc.

    Whether it is sopo or whatever boog, there is no more room for generalist. Niche blogging now.

    And you’ve got the rite niche. Stick with it.

    How’s ole Melaka these days?

    Been awhile I’ve not went down since my black brother passed away. Recently my sifu and friend passed away at the same ward ole blacky was hospitalised.

    We are gettin ole la. Even our friends are dyin’.

    A Voice,

    That’s exactly what I mean – I’m just clueless about these (sopo) things.

    Hey, bro! Niche blogging? I like that concept. What can I say? Only you an come up with something like that!

    Melaka? You’d hardly recognise it anymore. The physical changes are very apparent; some good, others not so good. The thing is, I can’t help but feel that the spirit of Melaka is also changing, somehow. Its almost like Melaka is a mini-KL or something – KL with a sprinkling of historical sites and a beach you can hardly swim in.

    Sorry to hear about your sifu and friend. But I sorely miss Blacky and Mac…

  16. Mat..

    Does β€œlimited physical means” means that you are pretty harmless?..:-)

    Lyza

    That pretty much sums it up; I’m very much harmless. Put in another way: It is unlikely I’ll ever end up as a suspected serial rapist πŸ™‚

  17. MB,
    SoPo blogs are killing me. Will just stick to Malaysiakini for news, afteral most news originated from there.
    Keep blogging the way you do. At least there is an antidote to the venoms spewed in the SoPo blogs.

    Pak Zawi

    Thank you, sir. It feels nice to be appreciated once in a while.

  18. Ya lah … ole Mac. Our tenggelam timbul Mac. Tenggelam terus mereka berdua. And Melaka is never the same without them both.

    They both made me laugh away my trouble and yet all of us were in our own life’s predicament.

    Going to Melaka is depressing la. In fact it is a burdensome. Ole caduk can’t make me laugh. I’ve got to be cracking jokes instead for him to laugh.

    Off course, there is you now accessible on blogosphere.

    Do you remember telling me abt water retention thang? Man … it is a real problem now. Once in a while got to consume lasik and it causes cramps. Dreadfull.

    Bila ada cenang masa nak bertapak kaki, bro? Your place pun ok. Text me your address and free time.

    What happen to our little secret GRO blog? Dah tak update sejak dia dump Mister Big.

    A Voice

    I decided to kill off Esah – I (er, Esah) was getting too many marriage proposals.

  19. Oik! Where the hell is the Straits Meridien Hotel la?

    Cipan

    The Straits Meridian Hotel. Er… its about 200 metres away from Masjid Negeri.

    Some might venture to say it’s too close for comfort; not that I’d agree, of course…

  20. I always like reading your articles. You’ll always be a great blogger to some of us even without becoming a so po blogger.
    Wow, having the opportunity to accompany a Marissa Tomei look-a-like? You’re very lucky,sir πŸ˜€ I really adore her in Only You.

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