Can I Have The Other One Instead?


This story goes back to the time when I was still in my first marriage. At the time, we were renting a room at the top floor of a house somewhere off the Harrow Road. Oddly, except for the landlord who occupied a room on the ground floor, all other rooms in the house were vacant. This didn’t, at the time, give me any reason for concern. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, perhaps it should have.

After our usual breakfast of muesli, she raised an eyebrow and asked, “Aren’t you going to put some clothes on? Haven’t you any lectures to go to?”

I shook my head and declared, “Nah! Today’s lectures have been rescheduled. I ‘m just going to spend the day lounging about like a beached whale.” She shook her head in disapproval, muttered something about me taking my studies more seriously, and went off downstairs to her bicycle. Timing it to perfection, I pushed my head out the window just in time to see her pedal off to college.

“See you later!” I called out as I waved her off.

As she wasn’t due back till about 4:30 pm, I had over eight very promising hours all to myself. We had been together long enough for me to consider this to be a respite. Eight whole hours without the possibility of being unexpectedly blasted with emotional napalm, was to me,  the stuff dreams. Even back then, I had learned that when something goes wrong, it is always the husband’s fault. Whether or not he is part f the chain of causation is immaterial. Not only that, he is usually also made to pay dearly for it, too…

I rolled-up an Old Holborn, and set to off to do what I had planned to do in the first place: Put in some heavy-duty study time into my criminal case law. As I laid out the study table with my case law material, I winced when I noticed that she had left her house keys at home. I instinctively knew that even though this oversight could not reasonably be blamed on me, I was going to get nuked for it anyway. But that wouldn’t happen till at least eight hours later. I took a deep breath, pushed images I had of any of thermonuclear weapons out of my mind, and immersed myself in the work I had planned for myself.

About three hours later, after having satisfied myself that I had my understanding of actus reus and mens rea down pat, I decided to take a quick shower. Stepping out of the shower, I was surprised to find that she was back. Instinctively, I braced myself for the inevitable: A talking down to for not doing something I should have done or for doing something I should not have done.

But instead, already in her robe, she smiled seductively and walked like a diva toward the bed. At the foot of the bed, the robe fell off revealing her luscious white skin covered only in the most strategic places by the sheerest and skimpiest black lace lingerie I had ever seen. In point of fact, I had never seen that particular lingerie combo before. This was so uncharacteristic of her (at least, with me) that I was convinced she had lost her mind. Considering the circumstances, even if she had gone loony, I wasn’t about to do any complaining.

As I tried to pull her close to me, she whispered in my ear, “U-uh! I thought we’d cuddle and talk first…” Given our unequal bargaining positions, I naturally complied. And so it was, we spent what seemed like hours, just cuddling and talking under the covers. It was easy talking to her. She was attentive, playful and best of all, non-judgemental and accepting. It was almost as if she was a different person altogether.

Then, without warning, she got out f bed and said she had to use the WC. As I watched her go, the door bell rang. Out of sheer habit, I looked out the window to see who it was. There, as bright as day, two floors below, my wife (then) stood with her bicycle, calling out, “I’ve forgotten to bring my keys!”

If that as her, who was the woman in the black lace lingerie who was with me?

When I turned around to look at her again, the lady in the black lace lingerie was gone.

At the time, I recall falling ill for a week from the shock. Now, some twenty five years later, my question is: “Couldn’t I have just returned the real wife and kept the impostor instead?”

58 thoughts on “Can I Have The Other One Instead?

  1. dear sir,
    just be glad that your wife didnt catch you with the lingerie lady.. that would have been creepier

  2. Mat-san,

    Oh dear me…just before this, was the willie, and now this.Very frankly, my dear friend, I am getting a bit worried about your state of well being,or, more precisely, whether you are truly at peace with your inner self..if I believe in the adage that what one writes about reflects the prevailing hang-up in one`s mind,that is.

    It`s time for some urgent action, Mat -san..drop everything, take a break, and better still, go on a romp with that someone who is the object of your fantasies of late.

    From the comments of your female admirers following that “willie” posting, I can see you definitely do not have a problem in that department…i.e. no shortage of able-bodied companions(no pun intended).

    Go for it, my man, and come back renewed and rejuvenated.Then, maybe(just maybe), we`ll have a sequel to this cliff-hanger of an episode.

    Good Luck, my man, and in the background, the haunting notes of Procol Harum`s “A Whiter Shade of Pale” can be magical!

    Know what? I honestly mean you well!

  3. Now, this is really confusing to my small mind. Was still figuring out if it’s a ghost story or an allegorical story about regrets in one’s life, perhaps?

    Just like ‘The Beatles’ later musical works which could be interpreted in many levels by fans and admirers.

    For me, would prefer a ghost story. It’s simpler and don’t have to wreck my small brains much interpreting things (which my small mind would think it’s a big thing), haha.

    btw, nice picture 🙂

  4. Errrrmmmm, hmmmmmm, trap trap trap (drumming my fingers on the table, thinking deep),

    Mat, I have a friend, she is very nice, and she is a shrink from 9 to 6 on weekdays. You think I should place an emergency call to fix appointment for you?

    Just like Higashi-san, I meant well 🙂

    • Elviza

      Like Higashi-san, I am sure you mean well, too. Further, I am certain your friend (the shrink) is quite competent and all.

      But at this time, I will have to decline an appointment with the shrink. Whatever I’m going through right now is nothing the purchase of a extravagant fountain pen can’t fix.

  5. Errkk… was that a ghost or that was really your wife who tried to pull you into a ‘game’ as a lesson for your wrong doings you haven’t remembered, so she thought she might need to do some revenge for her dearly husband as it will be engraved in your mind like a constitution or something, for twenty five years since then. It’s a contract, and she’s the land owner.

    Whatever it is, I like this part:
    “Even back then, I had learned that when something goes wrong, it is always the husband’s fault. ”


  6. You are wicked!
    Btw, the one in the black lace lingerie, did she speak malay or english? just interested to know the linguistics abilities of hantus overseas. Just in case, lah, kan?

  7. No wonder lu move out from the flat kat Harrow Road tu and move to Femoy Road.
    Harrow Road is always kind of creepy and cool area.If I’m nor mistaken The Royal Kensington Hospital suited near there.

    I sense strange feeling my self when taking the Camden Town 32 Bus at bus stop faceing the Council Flat.From my flat window at Westbourne Park Villa Road could see the ex-flat view.Its kind of dead zone.

    I guess England pun ada hantu kalau tak takkan ada ‘The Elephant Man’

    I guess the lady ghost think she’s in bed with his pimp.eeeeeeeeek scary jugak.

  8. Mr. MB
    i bet Fifty pee that you were,at that point in time, either under the influence or pretty much loaded….
    ha ha. Anyway your past reflections never ceased to amazed me……Hope to read more of such stuff.

    p.s. First marriage (?)

    • galing68

      I think you just lost 50p , mate. I was very lucid (at that time). And yeah, I did say first marriage. There would be a few more to come; some people never learn 🙂

    • Black Rose

      Hallucination is a possible symptom of illness. But as galing68 said, it could also be the effect of alcohol or other assorted hallucinogens.

      In my case, I think it was ol fashioned mental illness

  9. AbgKai, you were just out of the shower, weren’t you? Well it was just a simple case of you dozing off while in a state of deep fantasy…. ha,ha Keep on dreamin’, does you good….

  10. I forgot to ask – was your flat in front of that big cemetery in Harrow Road?

    Pak Tuo, that hopital there tu dah tak ada dah. Just a block of new apartments. I actually gave birth to our first child in that hospital.

  11. yeah mamak theres lot of creep scary area especially around the City.Grays Inn Road,Old Bailey areas kinda of scary to cycle at night.
    I myself cycle to and from Waterloo to Westborne Park often at niteand at times I feel the edge.
    You remember,Dawson Mews,down in Bayswater.Theres once late nite I hear a voice of a horse galloping.
    Well good ole England draconian beheaded laws
    was only revoked only after Magna Carter 1641.Thus lots of loss soul creeping around

    • pak tuo

      And sometimes the lost souls lived at Malaysia Hall and had names like Jimmy, Singh, Najib, Boe, Willmie…

  12. hehehehe…..good old days mamak,good ole days.En Ramli Mat Saman man!!!!!the ingat waktu kena cat pintu Malaysian Hall heheheheh……….Chunn,Man Iban,Razak-Trudy,Manaf,Sham Boe,Shahril Piano etc.

    Al Fatiha to our mate.Rommel Sidek,Ghazmy(Jimmy).Itu Singh mana pergi?ayo itu Singh?amak!

    cheers for friendship all at Malaysian Hall circa 1980-1986.

    • Pak tuo

      The moral of this story is never to undertake a contract to paint the doors at Malaysia Hall while high on cannabis.

  13. Fret not, Mr Bangkai. It’s probably just a case of the “looks like her, sounds like her, but it’s not her” which seems to be afflicting the legal fraternity every now and again. *grins*

  14. Wah Matt, u lucky fella, at least u got a nice looking one, not one of those with long black hair, white face, long red tongue one leh that cling to ur windscreen while driving at night..eeeeerie. Not that I wish to have either encounter, touch wood. BTW, Got ‘warm’ embrace or not? Bet she must be ‘cold’!

  15. U lawyers certainly know how to hv a good time as a student …and an even better time when ur working except we poor lost souls are paying u to hv ur fun nowadays.

    So did u charge that lady in lacy negligee a consultation fee?And wats the recommended protectives when consorting with ladies from the other side?

    • Robina Xang

      Having fun should be a skill that’s enjoyed across the entire occupational spectrum; not just restricted to lawyers. Then again, I do know more than a few anal retentive lawyers.

  16. Luv to hv fun too with my job too…but I am gynae,,,so can’t be laughing too much while checking my patient’s intimates >>she may hv the wrong picture.

  17. Salam Mat,
    Wow! You “lucky” guy! (Need to qualify this – “lucky” cos the “end” to the episode COULD be “deadly”; “unlucky” since the end could well be karma/nirvana!!)… any chance of part 2 to this?

    • Dhahran Sea

      Put in that perspective, I guess I was lucky.

      Part 2? I don’t think there as a Part 2; Black lace lady was gone for good (sigh).

  18. Mat

    The moral of the story is –

    Grab her by the waist the moment she is under the covers.

    Or go back to the shower and grab the cake of soap.


  19. Mat B

    Can I have a wee bit of whatever it was that you were having? I need a fix badly (and ciggies & liquor’s out for me) .. Perhaps, just one trip and I can hallucinate just as well.. 🙂

    • Puteri Kamaliah

      I guess after 3 hours of going through criminal case law, one does get the tendency to hallucinate…

      But I don’t think this was the case. That thing was there!

  20. Abang Kai…where do gals from the other divide shop for their lingeries?And Abang Kai can u elaborate a bit about ur little bit when ur into ur paranormal cuddlings…

    And many moons have u been married when this incident occur?

    i think ur so cute

    • Robina Xang

      Sorry, but I have no clue as to were ladies from the other side shop for their underwear. It’ll be foolhardy for me to try to find out, eh?

      How long had I been married when the incident occurred? Long enough, I guess.

    • Puteri Kamaliah

      No, ma’am, I did not do it with the thing. If I had I might have have earned myself a spot in some record book, eh?

  21. Hey Matt,

    If she turn up again, can u ask her for the coming week 4D numbers. Being a lawyer, I supposed u want 75% commission…hehe…


  22. weh mat, kidding aside…

    consider this!

    if this really happened (sounds like it did), your then wife probably saved you from a fate more horrendous than just a week of illness from shock.

    damn, i’m too scared to even type the name of the demon that comes to mind. but you know the one… yang kalau diBMkan, literally “hisap u-bus”.

    tradition holds that intercourse with one may result in the deterioration of health, or even death.

    subhanallah[44x]. panjang umur you mat b! 😉

    • mekyam

      That’s the word I was looking for: Succubus!

      Since I’m not dead yet, I guess we know what DIDN’T happen! But my health has deteriorated, though. But I think that’s just got to do with old age…

  23. honestly abang kai…

    did ur “little bit” show any reaction when u were doing ur cuddlings ?Was she impressed ?
    and was it a more significant then ur normal musings with the wife?
    Good thing u were not caught for khalwat ya..

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