P*ssing In My Pants


In the days when I used t climb into the ring, I always thought that for every fight, I’d be able to last the regulation five three-minute rounds – that I’d still be vertically erect by the time they rang the final bell. More often than not (usually by the middle of the second round) I’d be praying that one of my seconds would throw in the towel and end my misery. They never did, the idiots! So, I’d soldier on – occasionally checking to see if I were already dead – until my opponent had had enough of me stopping his blows with my face and other parts of my body. That ought to teach him!

It was the same when I used to race mountain bikes. I would enter them convinced that I’d at least finish the race – that I wouldn’t be so crap a rider that I’d actually end-up dead last. Usually, after about 10 kilometres or so – dead tired after trying to keep up with the eighty-year old granny in front of me – I’d be puking my breakfast all over the flora and fauna. At this point I’d usually be looking for a marshal to snip-off my race number and declare me as a DNF (did not finish). But as the paramedics carted me off to a waiting ambulance at the finish line, I’d realise that I had somehow made it to the end; being dead last didn’t seem that important anymore. At least I wasn’t dead!

I have since accepted that knowledge and skill will mean very little when we are faced with seemingly insurmountable odds.Β  No matter how well we’ve been trained to cook-up the perfect action plan, or how hard we worry about the big, bad outcome, it’s going to make little difference in the overall scheme of things.

The one quality that will see us though is courage.

But my mental picture of courage has been tempered by years of getting kicked in the teeth. It is no longer visions of a handsome hero who knows no fear, the all-powerful maverick who annihilates his enemies with deft moves as he rescues scores of American POWs from Asian prison camps. This is the romanticised image of courage created by Hollywood to sell movies. It is misleading and is as unlikely as someone transplanting the Big Ben dead smack in the middle of Taman Rinting in Pasir Gudang.

Instead, today my version of courage is the comical little guy who has nothing left in him, the one who pissing in his pants with fear, but who is still going on despite getting whacked left, right and centre at every turn.

Now that everything is crumbling down all around me, the future has got me pissing in my pants. Will I still be able go on as I get whacked left, right and centre at every turn? Frankly, I don’t know.

I hope I’m not already too old for this kind of thing (i.e., dealing with the personal damage that a recession brings).

10 thoughts on “P*ssing In My Pants

  1. MB, I know how you feel. I am faced with a rather tight programme visiting a few countries in a few days. Those were the days when I’d feel so excited and just raring to go. Now, I turned to my husband and said: Do you think I can do it? and this is not kickboxing or biking!

  2. No need to block the blows that come like a shower of rain if you have the chance to dodge for a couple of times waiting to deliver a deadly strike to vital points afterward in a very dirty move that those Hollywood stars would drop their jaws down like a thirsty dog under a the hot burning sun. Of course you might her them saying “Hey that’s not fair Asian coward!”

    Hey at least, you had made it to the end. Am I right, Bangkai-san?

    Sir Pok Deng

    I was too tired to dodge, my friend. So I just blocked his punches with my face – until he got tired, too πŸ™‚

    Yes, sir. I made it to the end, didn’t I! Thanks

  3. yeah,I know mamak but whose fault was it?

    Felt the same too.Prob’ly our time is up.

    Pak Tuo

    Eh? Whose fault was what? Are we talking about the same thing? πŸ™‚

    Sometimes it’s just nobody’s fault, bro. Sometimes companies just close down. The company’s time is up. Happens all the time.

  4. Mat B, at your age and mine, we have been pummelled by one recession too many. we have been kneaded and knocked about, battered and bruised, but we survived, didn’t we? We’ll ride through this one as well, trust me. Cheer up, the sun is still coming up tomorrow.

    Puteri Kamaliah

    Yes, ma’am. We survived. And I think we’ll ride out this one, too. Its just that the prospect seems a little daunting at the moment. We’ll just have to to go through this and emerge at the other end – wherever that might be!

    Thanks, ma’am.

  5. Mat,

    Count your blessings, my friend. Millions are worse off than we are. Here, Africa, elsewhere. Life is an endless struggle. Human, animal, plant species. Even microbiological kind.

    Only God knows the kind of problems Donald Trump, George Soros, Daim Zainuddin and such people have. Trust me, they have.

    Despite your mood, you still have your sense of humour in your wrting, old chap. Keep at it. Very entertaining.

    Do you know that the entertainment industry was the only one flourishing during the Great Depression of the 1930s?

    You have the skill to enable you to ride thru several Great Depressions. Trust me. I’m not joking today.

    Cheer up, mate.

  6. Mat-san,

    Puteri Kamaliah is absolutely right…at our age,what`s another fight for our weary limbs? We`re battle-hardened, Mat-san, and we will survive,if only because we`ve gone through such trials and tribulations once too often before, and survived, albeit with yet more scars to show for it.

    My friend, the following words from `Ol Blue Eyes are well worth reminiscing whenever we ,who are almost consigned to the category of “Jurassic”, find our resolve faltering a little, letting some doubt creep into our minds and hearts:-

    “..I`ve loved, I`ve laughed and cried
    I`ve had my fill, my share of losing..

    For what is a man, what has he got
    If not himself,then he has naught
    To say the things, he truly feels
    And not the words of one who kneels
    The record shows, I took the blows
    And did it my way. ”

    Hang in there, Mat-san! I know you can do it
    one more time!Show the world what our way is!


  7. Salam MB,

    What world crumbling? I thought you gave up on that company for sometime now. If I were you, I’d dragged all the company directors into the ring and sock it up to them.

  8. The cycles are getting shorter ya…used to be that if u live thru 3 downturns,ur quite an over stayer ..now its like a downturn every 7 years and with the healthy regimes imposed upon us..no smokes,no beers,no meat,no sex..we tend to live a lot longer>>so,we are all seeing 10 downturns in a lifetime.And we’re supposed to have a better quality of life than our grandpa?
    I was just about ready to ditch my escort (the car…not the China gal ok?)..get the new Saga..now I just don’t dare to any more.
    Wish I can do some reunion or comeback concert like Jacko..pick a few hundred million or so..
    must be a cloud somewhere in the silver lining our new PM is spinning about ya?

  9. Salam Mat,
    As Darwin observed years ago, its survival of the fittest in the “jungle” out there… and those that tend to survive are not necessarily of the T-Rex kind, its the ones that can most adapt to the changing environment… so we have to figure out how to adapt in our line of periuk nasi? Part time teaching leveraging on your vast industry experience would be useful for starter… a friend who used to work in Sony took the VSS and started supplying nasi lemak & kueh to Sony’s canteen… and turned out he could make as much doing that!

  10. Mat

    If you are not the out-going type, you might be interested in giving private tuition at home. Hardly any capital, only periodic adverts in the local dailies, etc. And you can choose the time. You can look for other opportunities during the same period.

    English is your forte. Your articles are your biggest testimonials. Budding writers and humourists might also be interested.

    Wish you all the best, my friend. Hope to see you back here when you feel better. Take your time, though.

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