CSI Kelana Jaya


I have a confession: I’m s sucker when it comes to polite requests. Couch a request in polite language and intone it just right, I’ll be your slave for life! Recently, I have found this soft-spot for polite requests to be a liability.

My former boss called me up recently and asked (very politely) if I could look into a few things for him at the office (my former office). True to form, I complied even though I was no longer an employee. Hey! The man asked me nicely, OK?

So, off I went – like a good little slave-boy – to my former office to see what I could do. But lo and behold, when I got there, I found that the padlock had either been forced open or had been left unlocked. True enough, when I opened the door I found all the CPUs (including a 10K server) were missing.

I called-up the big-boss-man and told him what had happened. Once again, I was looking down the barrel of a politely worded request: could I possibly be kind enough to lodge a police report? So, I happily trundled off to the local police station to make the report (like a good little slave-boy).

What I found waiting for me at the cop-shop, however, was far from polite: I promptly became their prime suspect and was treated accordingly. I endured several excruciating minutes of very tough questioning and began regretting being a nice guy in the first place by going to the office (my former office) to solve a problem that was no longer even mine! But I was glad that at the end of the ordeal they didn’t throw me into the lock-up. I was free to go, albeit with a very bitter taste in my mouth.

While I was driving away, I received a call from the investigating officer. Guess what! I was looking down the barrel of a polite request yet again: could I possibly take a few photographs of the crime scene, have them developed and deliver them to him the next day?

Huh? Wasn’t the police supposed to do that?

But since he put the request to me in the politest way possible, the bitter taste in my mouth immediately disappeared and I found myself quite eager to do his bidding – even if it killed me. What can I say? The man was super-polite to me (unlike the way he was a few minutes earlier).

So, like a good little slave boy, I borrowed a camera (I personally don’t own one), took same photos of the crime scene (and felt like Lt. Mac Taylor in the process), had them developed (at my own expense) and delivered the lot to he investigating officer (like a good Golden Retriever). The upside is (I hope) the investigating officer doesn’t think of me as the prime suspect anymore.

The downside? I felt as if I had been violated in some way.

I must do something about this weakness for a polite request. Maybe the next time anybody puts a polite request to me, I’ll just punch him (or even her) in the face.

17 thoughts on “CSI Kelana Jaya

  1. Mamak,

    If you in my class,you would know how pathetic the ‘Tuan-tuan’ (minus a few level headed), could be.
    I tell them off straight way,’leave your office chips in the office’.
    Here you are a student.Your ‘chips’ is not off my concerned.
    I know ,I was brought by one.
    I share your concerned.

    Pak Tuo

    Its OK, bro! Come to think of it, these guys are trained (and paid) to be tough cookies.

  2. Mat

    The first part is your business, the second part I detest.

    It certainly was the fellow’s job to investigate and this reflected the corrupt mentality of enforcement people for many years now.

    I can write yards about this and the deplorable state of afairs in the country now but yours is not a sopo blog.

    Let me just calm down, note that you are alright, still the kind-hearted man we know since before.

    We all have been made suckers one time or other in life. We need to always remember that do-gooders can get into worse trouble than we have. I won’t dare give lifts to strangers any more these days.

    Best wishes.

    Dry Humour

    In retrospect I guess I empathise with the way he conducted the investigation. These guys have to be tough (whether they like it or not). After all, what would I have done had I been in the IO’s shoes? Here’s a guy who reports a break-in – the very same guy who left the company a few weeks earlier, still holds the key to the office, and is yet to be fully paid by the company. Looks pretty bad for the poor sod, eh?

    Yeah, on the upside – things could have turn out a lot worse. But they didn’t.

    Thank Allah s.w.t. for that!

  3. Don’t worry, bangkai-san. You’ll get the rewards in the future, or perhaps, in the hereafter. But before that, I reckon that punching them right at the face is also a good thing to do!

    Pok Deng

    I know I said that I’d punch them in the face: this is just big-talk. I know I will be too scared to do such a thing.

  4. Salam MB,

    I think you’ve got the classic trait of mr/ms nice guy/gal worldwide; the inability to say no!

    On another note, found in a joke column in a local newspaper: an employee to an employer, “you can’t fire me, slaves need to be sold!”

    -a reader in ghana-

    Reader in Ghana

    Hmmm… and all this while I thought I had quit (or got fired). Its going to take some time before they’ll be able to sell me off, I think. Drat!

  5. Oh just punch them already. I’ll help in the second instance.


    Good to know I’ve got the cavalry on my side. Thanks, ma’am

  6. i second the punch! hahaha!

    sounds like you really need to learn to say “NO!” — it can be said very nicely and super-politely, you know.

    but where was your so very polite ex-boss when you were being 3rd-degreed, mb?

    the cynic in me almost concluded you were being set up.


    I guess I may skipped class when they taught us how to say ‘No!’ politely – and now I’m paying for it.

    Funny, though, my friends over here think I’ve been set-up, too.

  7. Salaam Mat B

    Next time don’t hold back your punches (literally!). Bagi aja sebijik dua penumbuk.. hehehe..

    I am in agreement with Reader In Ghana; you are the classic Mr Nice Guy, the kind who just can’t say no, especially when someone “lembut lidah” with you. We must have been tutored by the same person Mat B, for I am another sucker for such “kata-kata manis”… always to my detriment of course.

    Hmm, why did the cop ask you to take those pixs? It’s their blinking job to do it!

    Puteri Kamaliah

    I guess our tutor did not complete the job: he didn’t teach us howto say ‘No’ politely, eh?

    Why did the copper ask me to take the photos? I guess because he was not up to getting up from his desk and doing it himself. People get away with murder sometimes, don’t they?

  8. I fear manipulation bcos i am easily manipulated.. i hope in your case it just ends here.

    Hati2 la, there really are BAD people out there 🙂


    I hope it ends here, too.

    But I had a call from an EPF officer today saying that (according to my former boss) I am still in charge till the end of the year!

    I wonder if he will be sending me my monthly salary till the end of the year, too.

  9. Salaam yang mulia lagi berhormat,

    We, the countless fellowship of your fan-club, do hereby wish to humbly beg for your regular up-dating of your blog, if it doesn’t trouble you as much.
    Thank you for your kind indulgence and forbearance.


    Now that you’ve put it this way, I shall comply.

    Your wish is my command!

  10. Hi Matt,

    I’m also like u, sucker for polite requests, but however unlike u, I’m red faced to admit that I’m gender biased…heheh. If Ms Blaberalla (she does look like Jane Fonda on her nic photo tho) asks me nicely to apply sun tan lotion on her at the beach, I’ll oblige without hesitation, “I’ll be glad to, luv”. But if some guy like Dry Humuor asked the same, I’ll most definitely tell him that the lotion won’t help if he’s meant to get skin cancer one way or another.

    Matt, another way to get out of this weakness that u have is to brush up on your ‘excuses’ lah. Ya-lor, very easy what nowadays, just tap tap on your Blackberry & say sorry bro, got prior engagement, maybe next time mah.


    P/S – I tot ex-bouncer like u wud have no qualms about throwing punches, second nature??


    The problem is, when I make excuses, I start wobbling like jelly (or nenen)

    When I was younger (and stronger and faster and more supple) I had no qualms about throwing a punch (or a kick, or a head-butt). Now that I am old, fat, weak and slow, I have to think twice (or more) before doing any of that.

    Yeah, Blabarella is a babe, isn’t she? But mind you, I think it could be that Dry Humour is the spitting image of Errol Flynn.

  11. Bro, gua tak daya nak kata kala kena kat org nama Chobaan; kok kena btg idung tak dan cobain

    Dak Ah Bau

    Yes, sir! In life, I think Chobaan (the pre-1972 spelling) is the name of the game.

  12. Sir,
    With all due respect, can you most kindly donate Rm 1 million for me to open up 4 dojos and run them too?
    With all sincerity,
    thank you.

    ( polite enough or not? )


    On a scale of 1 to 10 for politeness, that’s definitely a 10!

    Now I’ll take on a third job as a night watchman, sell nasi lemak between shifts, become a mercenary when the offer comes around, sell my right kidney and start a ponzi scheme. I’ll put all of this money aside and when I have enough, I will send the whole lot to you.

    After that I’ll also run your dojos for you.

    How’s that? Deal?

  13. Mat

    I like Errol Flynn but why the “spitting image”?
    The last time I tried spitting, Tommy Yew said they don’t do it any more!


    I won’t ask you to lotion me, la. You know my hostel background but I’m not that way inclined.
    But don’t ask the Pak Sheikh who brought fellas to his Tivoli Villa in Bangsar. You also will get court case, lor.

    I’m the Asian James Bang or, as the UN Secretary General said, James Ban! Minum ABC by the poolside jadi lah!

    Enough coffee break now, man. Cheers.

    Dry Humour

    Its just an expression: spitting image = saling tak tumpah

    On a different note, people still spit, sir. But it won’t be made into an Olympic sport anytime soon 🙂

  14. matb,

    it cracks me up to see those in favour of a couple of nice ones in the kisser are us ladies. damn, we’re fierce! 😀


    I’ve always thought that women were the fiercer sex. This just proves it 🙂

  15. Bangkai, I bet u were humming CSI theme song during your “forensick” investigation… hahaha!

    Next time, pretend la jadi Horatio lak! hehehehe!


    No. Actually, I was humming a P Ramlee song that goes like this: “Beginilah nasib diriku yang malang, oh Tuhan… ” 🙂

    Next time? I hope there won’t be a next time!

  16. dear author, i felt the same too. violated, mercilessly yet in the politest-kindest way put together by these oppoortunistic ppl.
    my partner scolds me on end. but what can i do? saying no is not my virtue!

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