Nothing Has Changed

stabbing

If the newspapers are to be believed, then, I must also believe that a woman (it was reported) had stabbed her husband in the chest because he had come home late from watching the Manchester United-Malaysia game recently.

She did what!

First off, I don’t think anybody deserves this fate – not even a Manchester United fan. But that’s another story.

Secondly, couldn’t she just have said “I’ve had it with you; no sex for you for a month!” or something to that effect, instead?

But to cause the poor sod grievous bodily harm with a sharp instrument? Really!

Then again – and this is purely conjecture on my part – perhaps she had actually tried the Denial-of-Service (read: no sex) ploy before. But in response, her husband had probably celebrated by burning incense in front of his Manchester United poster and doing triple somersaults to show his gratitude.

Maybe she’s never heard of hand-cuffs and whipped cream. Again, maybe this is another story altogether.

Is it just me? Or are there more psychotic women running around loose these days?

This brings me to my next point. When I was younger (and streetlights were few and far between) my elders used to forbid me from coming home late at night. The reasoning was simple: all sorts of dangers lurked outside the home late at night. You could easily get whacked and nobody would be the wiser for it.

But now, even though the streets are lit bright as day, it seems that nothing has changed. Coming back home late at night is still a dangerous proposition. The only difference is that, nowadays, the source of danger lives inside your house!

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20 thoughts on “Nothing Has Changed

  1. Mr MB,
    Yes, we do live in interesting & dangerous time. It was rather unfortunate for the husband to get stabbed. Or is it plain lucky, the wife didnt do a ‘Lorena Bobbit’…..
    Of late there are lots of bizarre news especially that are related to death…..how sad.

    galing68

    This guy had a double whammy stroke of luck: he wasn’t Bobbit-ed (just stabbed in the chest) and he didn’t die.

    Funny isn’t it how nowadays getting stabbed can count as being lucky. I’ve got a headache thinking about it.

  2. also read that the husband promised to come home by 7pm but reached home after 2am instead.

    i would let him sleep outside with the insects, if i were her.

    the-plagiarist

    In the tradition of Winston Churchill, if I were her husband, I’d sleep out there with the insects… happily!

  3. The poor man … but maybe he went to the game with another woman? 😛

    QOTH

    Hmmm… now that I know a bit about his wife, I would understand if he did actually go with another woman – unarmed women are so sexy! 🙂

  4. Hahaha Matt oh Matt,

    No ardent football fan deserves this. Women, they just don’t understand at all! Sad.

    Guess u must have gone thru some hardship with the ‘Denial-of-Service’ punishment in your time; wah u actually did the triple somersaults to show your gratitude, man, u r one brave dude.

    Well if all else fail; u can always depend on your ever reliable ‘Self Service’ plan to ease the stress.

    Now about the hand-cuffs & whipped cream, hmmm, please enlighten ignorant me please.

    Cheers,
    Tommy

    Tommy

    Denial-of-Service attacks are devastating. However, after a while, they lose their sting and men learn to go without. This is when the man gets his balls back – he is once again master of his destiny. There is nothing that scares him anymore.

    Hand-cuffs and whipped cream? No,Tommy; at least, not in public. Add a mask to the combo and you’ll be rockin’. Believe me!

  5. salam sir,
    hehehe..nowadays u have to be extra careful.. danger lurks in evry nook and cranny.
    anyway, just to let you know, that i am glad that u r back..so..bila nak pi makan nassi lemak kat rose fatimah?
    serene

    Serene

    Good to be back, ma’am

    Nasi lemak at Rose Fatimah? I’m there most weekday mornings between 7.50 to maybe 8.20 – look for the over-weight Elephantman who looks as if he’s been run-over by runaway train.

  6. dont play fool with women i guess? they can be your angel one moment and your worst night mare the next moment… so be afraid.. be very afraid… hiikkk

    Nadialoretta

    But, ma’am, I’ve always been scared of ladies. They frighten the pants off of me!

  7. Poor lady, it WAS 2 a.m. I would suspect it was her who was being denied service…

    LeZebra

    Oh, it wasn’t because of the Man U match after all. This explains it!

  8. I share galing68’s relief that the chap was “merely” stabbed and not “Bobitted”. The word for the unkind act of slicing off the male appendage is credited to Simon Winchester. The word is AUTOPEOTOMY. But, the appropriate expression I would have thought should be “%$#@*&^%” and a loud scream of horror.

    For me (who did actually attend the Man Utd 3:2 Malaysia match) the utterance of “I’ve had it with you; no sex for you for a month!” would have been quite enough to forgo all other football matches by whomever against whoever else. ;D

    De minimis

    Here is how a friend of mine (ahem!) deals with Denial-of-Service attacks: “Don’t sweat it, man! There’s plenty more where that came from.”

    He’s a lonely old man now, divorced for more time than he can remember, and living with his ageing cat somewhere in Selama.

    It might have been better if he had been Bobbit-ed

  9. My sincere apologies. There is an errata that I need to make. When the dismemberment is committed by a third party (such as an enraged wife, a surgeon or other person) the word is PEOTOMY. Thus, AUTOPEOTOMY means self-inflicted dismemberment (obviously brought about by insanity obviously).

  10. Mat

    Hell hath no fury like a woman denied of service? And she wouldn’t want self service!

    Can’t imagine a woman wanting to stab a husband for coming back late. Unless she has been horny for so long and nothing to compensate.

    Nothing, not even anything that vibrates.
    And the man enjoying himself at the stadium menjerit jerit.

    Thank goodness I don’t like crowds and hardly watch matches live. If she comes to me with a knife I wouldn’t know how to jive.

    Cheers, mate

    Dry Humour,

    That’s it! The stabbing had nothing to do with the football match at all – she’s just not a self-service kind of girl.

    Like you, I don’t like football. But unlike you, I think I am quite adept at handling knife attacks – its the Denial-of-Service attack that worry me.

  11. Waduh bro,

    My take: we can always call whether to give in/give up – either trade off/trade in.

    To do or not don’t depend on the sums..

    dak ah bau

    I like that bit when you said “To do or not don’t depend on the sums.. ”

    Its got class, that!

  12. Hehehehe .. you folks really had me in stitches! All these witty repartees..! Heck, you better keep your arse anchored in here Mat B.. I’m putting up barricades not to let you leave anymore!

    Puteri Kamaliah

    Barricades, eh? Not exactly hand-cuffs and whipped cream that Tommy Yew is so curious about. But I guess barricades will do 🙂

    Good night, ma’am!

  13. matb: “Is it just me? Or are there more psychotic women running around loose these days?

    most likely the latter, matb.

    last few days i witnessed one of the ugliest fatal attraction type scenes played out virtually in the comment boxes of one of the blogs i frequent*.

    no blood spilt, but quite nasty all the same. [shudder!]

    it was truly a case of hell hath no fury like a shameless virago scorned, i tell you. 😀

    * n.b: blog owner not involved. he just inadvertently provided the venue, poor chap!

    mekyam

    What you observed is quite representative of the general scheme of things. When a man kena kencing by the woman, he simply slinks away, puts away a few bottles of Jack Daniel’s, visits a house of ill-repute (or two), mopes about for a few weeks (or maybe years) and he is done with it.

    But when the woman kena kencing (or perceives to be kencing-ed) by the man, she goes on a rampage, loses all inhibitions about inflicting every kind of physical or emotional damage imaginable – and then returns to repeat the process with increased intensity several more times until the man is reduced to an unrecognizable and pathetic pile of excreta.

    Ooops, have I (inadvertently) revealed too much already? Nah! All that happened to someone else.

  14. “Denial-of-Service attacks are devastating. However, after a while, they lose their sting and men learn to go without”.

    Matt, it’s ok for guys like us that get the odd obligatory service maybe only once a month (if we are lucky,) it’s no big deal or big sacrifice. But when you have honorable people like Mr. de minimis Esq declaring this statement in a public forum;

    • For me (who did actually attend the Man Utd 3:2 Malaysia match) the utterance of “I’ve had it with you; no sex for you for a month!” would have been quite enough to forgo all other football matches by whomever against whoever else. ;D

    You’ll soon realize that he’s getting 5 stars service at a very regular frequencies in order to forsake his passion in football. Wow, she must be one helluva of woman to have this sort of hold on him.

    Alas, there are too few of us that are principled enough to weather this pent up pressure and to take matters in our own hand to get out of this sticky situation.

    Tommy,

    P/S – I can imagine Puteri in that Olivia Newton John’s leather outfit in ‘Grease’ back in the 70’s, moving to the beat of “You’re the one that I want”, no??

    Tommy

    You wrote:

    “Alas, there are too few of us that are principled enough to weather this pent up pressure and to take matters in our own hand to get out of this sticky situation.”

    You truly are the master of double-meaning!

    ROTFLOL

  15. Mat-san,

    Tommy said,”…to weather this pent up pressure and to take matters in our own hands…”.

    As part of my English Literature undergrad major studies more than 3-decades ago, the teachings of Confucius was one of the compulsory subjects(along with the Koran, the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the teachings of Buddha, Taoism,and what have you).This smart alec pal of yours here actually quoted this so-called “Confucius says” in his 2nd Year exam papers..”Confucius says, man in toilet with tool in hand not necessarily good plumber”.Much to my chagrin, I learnt later that that quote actually emanated from the changing room in my all-male Residential College after a rugby game, a few months before that 2nd Year exams.But, I still got through that paper with an “A”(howzat!).Must have given my Professor a howler with that quote.Poor Confucius!

    But, on a more sober note, Mat-san,I really can`t understand these ladies.If matters come to a head like the one you quoted,that`s it,man! Time`s up, it`s “Adios” or “Sayonara” time.A Lorena Bobbit?Holy cow! Why kill the goose that lays the golden eggs?Or, as the Malay proverb says, why burn the mosquito net just`cos you have an issue with the mosquito?

    Cheers!

    Higashi-san

    You got away with the “”Confucius says, man in toilet with tool in hand not necessarily good plumber” quip? And got an A to boot? Hmmm, perhaps that was what earned you the A in the first place!

    I think, to these women, a simple ‘Sayonara’ is not good enough. Why? Perhaps they already know it wouldn’t hurt as much. Besides, there also the ultimate let-down: he may go off and discover that life is actually better with someone else! The line of thinking goes like this: if he won’t submit to my will (thus giving the lots of joy), I’ll be damned if I’ll let him have even a modicum of fun with another woman.

    Yeah, Bobbit-ing a man is pretty much like burning the mosquito net – unless, of course, she has a ‘kelambu’ elsewhere *evil grin*

  16. mat b & higashi-san,

    male geese mana lay eggs pulak! 😀

    and in the current context, perhaps that was a cooked goose who went to the manUma-match and the stabbing had nothing to do with any balls, his or foot.

    the poor hapless bird probably just delayed the carving, that’s all.

    mekyam

    a case of “retak-cari-belah’, eh? Plausible!

  17. Mat-san & Mek Yam,

    Let`s just say…that cooked goose couldn`t tell the difference between the Bukit Jalil Stadium and any of the nocturnal clubs in downtown KL,so he ended up at the latter,he!he!

    But, as I said,a straying hubby is no excuse for assault and battery.Didn`t those macho he-man Adonises maintain that variety is the spice of life?Stabbing him in the chest,let alone decapitating his manhood,wouldn`t solve anything,apart from giving vent to the pent-up anger over all those years…that marriage`s long gone,I say.So, better just part ways,as amicably as possible(if that is posible…hmmmm!).Now, that`s the way it should always be.

    BTW, Mek Yam, I love your wit!

    And Mat-san..how glad I am to note that your unique sense of wry humour, only to be gleaned by going through your recent highly readable depictions of episodes taken from the very ordinary life that we all face on a daily basis , is testimony enough of your growing faith
    in a positive outcome to whatever you are hoping for. Karma, Mat-san, remember Karma..thou shall reap what thee sow(and don`t forget that, ever!)

    Cheers!

    Higashi-san

    I am just hoping that my karma doesn’t involve any sharp objects coming close to my crotch – even though, at my age, it seldom gets to see the light of day 🙂

  18. I think I am suppose to be sympathising with the husband and think about the impact of domestic violence etc.

    but my goodness! I can’t stop laughing after this entry with your views put into it.

    Azlin

    That’s me innit, ma’am: putting a light spin on everything!

  19. Mat

    I must drop in more frequently. Almost missed the taking matters in one’s own hand thing. It’s always messy when one does that.

    I spent the whole afternoon yesterday with a long-time-no-see buddy. My goodness, the stories he brought out, quoting apparenly reliable sources.

    About famous personalities, one in power, 1-2 out of power. Much worse, more grisly than the matter-in-hand job. Not quite the Pak Sheikh Rear Admiral job.

    Sorry, won’t share them with you here. Too lewd for a gentleman (?) to do so. Must protect our dear leaders, past and present. My country, right or wrong. Whatever.

    Besides, there’s the Errol Flynn image, huh? Errol would rather get drunk than tell lewd stories. Or engage in them himself then get drunk.

    I won’t grudge anyone luring me into suspense then cut me out dead soon after. I’ll blame it on Alfred Hitchcock or the bloody commercials.

    Cheers, folks.

    Dry Humour,

    Here’s a Errol Flynn quote you might enjoy:

    “My problem is reconciling my nett income with my gross habits.”

    Absolutely delicious!

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