The Day I Almost Lost A Friend

halfEaten

When I used to flog life insurance for a living, we used to break our fast at the office. Firstly, being bachelors, there was nothing and nobody waiting for us at home. Secondly, the office WAS the closest thing we had to a home.

Like always, we waited for the break of fast by ribbing each other to death. The telly in the training room would soon broadcast the ‘Azan’ signalling that it was time gorge on whatever it was we had bought from the Bazaar Ramadan nearby.

On that day, my dear friend A had decided to plant himself in front of the telly in the training room to wait for the Azan. The rest of us, as usual, preferred to goof-off outside on the agency floor. So, off A went to the training room with his bagful of donuts and a Big Gulp he had bought from the local 7-Eleven.

About ten minutes later, while I was busy trying to land my (flight simulator) F-16 , A burst out of the training room urgently shouting “Berbuka! Berbuka!” Like Pavlov’s dogs hearing the bell, I began salivating. I promptly crashed my F-16 into a hangar full of other F-16s and rushed off to the training room with my ‘tapau-ed’ nasi goreng.

Something was wrong. None of us could hear the Azan. However, there was a still EON Bank advert on the telly’s screen showing a man in baju Melayu, complete with songkok, enjoying a cold glass of sirap bandung. Across the advert were the words, “Selamat Berbuka Puasa”

“You klutz, A! Its not time yet!” Zul scolded.

“Don’t be an idiot! Its time! And I’ll prove it.” declared A as he took a massive bite out of his double choc doughnut.

Before he could swallow, the still advert disappeared, giving way to a clock showing the countdown to the Azan – breaking of fast was 20 seconds away. It was indeed not time yet. A’s eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of their sockets as he struggled to decide what to do with his mouthful of double choc doughnut.

To our horror, he wrapped his huge pianists’ fingers around his neck and began strangling himself in an attempt to stop the food from going down his gullet and nullifying his hard day’s fast. The rest of us stood transfixed watching the spectacle. Would the azan come soon enough, or would our friend strangle himself to death first? It was anybody’s guess.

Just about when A was about to expire from self-induced asphyxiation, the second hand of the clock reached 12 and the Azan came on air. Phew! No, A didn’t die that day. Otherwise, we would have had a tough time explaining to the police how come we had a dead body with strangulation marks on its neck in our training room.

When I was certain that A was not going to die any time soon, I began giving him a tough time for making me crash a perfectly good F-16 on my landing-run.

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14 thoughts on “The Day I Almost Lost A Friend

  1. Ceh! I really thought this was a serious post on a serious matter…

    This (post) only goes to show that grown men can be worse than kids sometimes ahahaha!

    Lady Marko

    You should have been there to see my friend’s face as he was strangling himself to death – it looked quite serious! 😉

    Grown men? No such thing! Men, yes; grown men, no! We don’t need to grow up

  2. you and A had me gagging too! 😀

    mekyam

    Glad you enjoyed this, ma’am. But of course, at the time, my friend A didn’t find it so amusing. But now some 21 years later, I think he’s gotten over it.

  3. Mr Bangkai,
    I am a donut freak but now I cannot eat it the same way every again, thank to you. I would choke myself silly giggling in remembrance of this post.

    Salaam Ramadan 🙂

    Perciclan

    Salaam Ramadan to you, too, ma’am.

    In fact,I’ve not seen my friend A with a doughnut in his hand for a very, very long time now.

  4. Oh dear me! I can just imagine the comical sight. By the way, which shade of blue was he at when the sounds of the Azan mercifully came on air? *laughs*

    Andrea

    Ma’am, just as the azan was about to come on air, I recall that my friend A was already an ugly shade of purple. Some people swear that that is his natural skin tone, though. 🙂

  5. Priceless, HAHAHAH. Had he died, could the TV station be held liable?

    LeZebre

    Nah! Considering the relationship I have with him, the authorities would have put me at the top of their suspect list. We are still very good friends – even though he once wrote a draft of book entitled “1,000 Ways to KIll Bangkai” 🙂

    Only the best of friends can be this close, don’t you agree?

  6. Hehehe Matt, coming from u, I expected to see a half bitten “spotted dick” instead of a donut!!!

    Hear, hear, we don’t need to grow up, once u r grown up, it’s all downhill from there, true or not?

    Hey & oso to all u guys & gals of the Muslim faith, I wish u ‘Selamat Berpuasa’ & I promise I’ll stay out of mischief in this blessed month of Ramadhan too.

    Salam,
    Tommy.

    Tommy

    Thanks for the Ramadan wishes, sir.

    If I were the one who was choking, it would have been on a Spotted Dick (that sounds so gorss, doesn’t it?)

  7. Hehehe Mat B, nice to have been given a peek at your lean bujang days.. I can imagine your friend ‘tercegat’ and desperately ‘tercekik’ at the same time, poor thing..! You should have given him a whack on the back to help dislodge the food..

    Puteri Kamaliah

    You see, there were people making side bets on whether or not my ‘tercekik’ friend would make it. I didn’t want to upset the odds 🙂

  8. hehehe..’Berbuka, Berbuka! Berbuka!’ That is and will always be the sweetest bell in the Ramadan.

    Well..A nearly tercekik on something sweet??
    He should not have bothered actually..a few seconds earlier bukan batal puasa kan??

    mamasita

    You see, we were very ignorant at the time. Our interpretation (but not necessarily execution) of the rules were quite puritanical.

  9. Mat Bangkai,

    Next time, telan je! Hahahaha..

    My gosh, didn’t know that grown up orang bujang trang tang tang could behave like this. I wonder how else bachelors break their fast? (yang korek hidung ada tak..euwww)

    Selamat berpusa to you, sir.

    ida hariati hashim

    We were quite ignorant then, ma’am – so we tended to interpret rules quite literally.

    No, ma’am. You don’t want to how some bujang trang tang tang break their fast: some methods can be quite explicit.

    Selamat berpuasa to you, too, ma’am.

  10. Hi….my second visit here, and again I’m having a good laugh-out at your story after the size S incident. You certainly have great writing skill. Cheers!

    Ydiana

    You are too kind, ma’am. Thank you.

    Its always good to have friends come and visit.

  11. Hello Mr. Bangkai,

    I stumbled upon your blog and couldn’t stop laughing from your son’s riddle to this doughnut post! Love the vivid images in your posts! Such pleasant read!

    Regards 🙂

    Kautsar

    Glad you enjoyed your visit here.

    Drop in anytime.

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